Not At My Best

[poliphilo]

I had a panic attack on Saturday- a tiny one. We were driving over to Dot's to help her change her curtains and I was thinking, " I can't do this, let me out of the car, I need to go home." I didn't voice any of this, but hitched up my belt and took a deep breath and did what was needed. We were at a family party yesterday; I had more tiny attacks. 

I've been bottling things up. It's been a rough year. I don't want to be old and tamed.

Comments

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

Not much you can do about the old part but you can always find ways to release your inner wild man without frightening the horses. Seriously, I hope you get a handle on this. I've only had one panic attack, in the airport heading back from Arizona the morning after I learned of my father's death. I think it only lasted a couple seconds, but it's not something I'd like to repeat -- it's like the word "meltdown" made flesh.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I have these attacks every once in a while, but not frequently. I think they act as a safety valve. I was still a bit wobbly yesterday, but I'm nearly back to normal now.

[amritarosa.livejournal.com]

Perhaps a drum and a fire, some wine and a few close friends would help :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That sounds good.

And I've sort of taken your advice. I went to sleep last night chanting "Isis, Astarte, Diana..." to myself.

[amritarosa.livejournal.com]

excellent :)

[ideealisme.livejournal.com]

I am sorry, sir. I don't know how regularly you follow my blog but you might be aware I was carrying a secret for the first half of the year and it nearly broke me.

I hope you find some way of releasing that energy and anxiety. Amritarosa's suggestion sounds great!

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

As Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Very well put.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I have the whole stiff-upper lip, boys don't cry thing that was drummed into us in the 50s. You'll understand about that.
When I was a kid I asked to have a mirror in my room. What I didn't tell my parents was that I wanted it so I could check I wasn't showing any signs that I'd been weeping.

Writing helps, I think. It's always been my way of letting off steam.

[ideealisme.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid I asked to have a mirror in my room. What I didn't tell my parents was that I wanted it so I could check I wasn't showing any signs that I'd been weeping.

My God, that is so sad. With all the blather about feminism we never think about how we damage our men. Beautiful, though.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It cuts both ways. You hobble one sex, you hobble them both.

[davesmusictank.livejournal.com]

I concur. Amritarosa seems spot on. Just like to add a CD of soothing music will also help with these panic attacks.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Trouble is they tend to occur in situations where soothing music isn't really an option....

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I agree with Jung. I turned to painting in the late 80s- when I was in a really bad place and it did me a power of good.

[veronica-milvus.livejournal.com]

Ever thought of channeling it into poetry? ;-)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I don't seem able to. And I know better than to try and force it.