I have discovered apricots. Fresh apricots, I mean. I've always liked then tinned- in syrup (with ice cream)- but I don't think I'd ever eaten a fresh one before this Christmas. They taste like plums, a little firmer, a little less tart and the joy of them is that they're small. Large pieces of fruit intimidate me; I think- when faced with an apple or a large melon wedge- do I really have to eat all that? But an apricot goes down in a couple of bites.

And then I want another....

Today I start a new diet. I have never followed any kind of diet before. I have always believed that every type of food is of equal value and the main thing is to get enough.

Or- even better- more than enough.

Apparently not.

The basic idea of this diet is that one should eat a certain amount of protein with every meal. And so this morning I had cheese for breakfast- just like a Dutchman. craftyailz has been following this rule for several weeks and she's been losing weight and gaining energy.

I don't need to lose weight, but I could certainly do with more energy.

Has the cheese worked its wonders? Do I feel better than I normally would around this time?

Could be.

What will I miss?

The potatoes.

Rolled around in olive oil and salt- then roasted.

Actually I can still eat a few potatoes- provided I eat an equal amount of cheese.

Extra-matured New Zealand Cheddar. Stilton. Yorkshire Blue.

The cheese will set me free.

I woke up choking. I don't think I was close to dying but for a moment it felt like I was. Acid reflux. And the moral of the story is don't eat curry.

Ailz and I had lunch yesterday at the Cafe Lahore, which is probably the best curry house this side of Manchester. Very nice. But the lesson needs to be learned- curries do me harm and if I want to live to be 80 I must LEAVE THEM ALONE.

I'm not going to pretend this is any great hardship. Curry is possibly my favourite food, but the truth of the matter is I don't like any food all that much. In spite of tuition by experts I find the whole business of eating a bore- and the restaurant experience is particularly boring because it takes a huge chunk out of the day which could be spent doing- oh, almost anything else. Restaurants make me edgy and anxious. I hate the waiting, I hate the fact that someone is suffering the indignity of serving me. I want to read a newspaper, I want to listen to the radio, I want to watch TV, I want to shovel the stuff in as quickly as possible and get on with my life.

Ailz is getting into raw foods. It's the next best thing to a religion. She's reading books that talk about the human race's "addiction" to cooking. Right now she's downstairs, organizing her seed trays, tending to her indoor farm.

Food doesn't bother me. Actually if I'm honest it bores me. I like things that taste nice, but I can't be doing with celebrity chefs and Michelin restaurants and the like. I became a vegetarian a few years back because I think the meat industry stinks, but I'm not a particularly strict one- I eat fish and cheese. Recently I've been drawn into Ailz's healthy eating drive and have cut down radically on my intake of fats. And the less of them I eat, the less of them I want. A month or so back I gave up on butter because I just can't take the greasiness.