Home Is

[poliphilo]

I was talking on the phone last night to my mother's friend Nora. She said she was looking forward to seeing us when we "come home", which jarred a little. Perhaps visiting one's mother is always "coming home" no matter where she is, but I left to get married before she moved to the village she's living in now- and I've never had any particular feeling for it. 

I grew up in South Croydon. If anywhere is home I suppose that should be, but I haven't been back in thirty years. It doesn't call to me. My parents moved to Kent when I was ten and I was never really happy there. I moved to the Manchester area in my mid twenties and have tried to love the place- and in a way I do- but I don't belong. Only the other day in the chip shop the Chinese girl behind the counter asked me if I was passing through. My accent gives me away.  If Ailz's mimicry of it is to be credited I sound like Lord Toffington of Tofftown. When challenged I tend to say I'm a Londoner- on the strength of having been born in The Westminster Children's Hospital- but I'm not really.  

In one sense this house is home. The last time we thought about moving I discovered I was tearily attached to it, but that's the snail's attachment to its shell and not the kind of rootedness I'm talking about. There are places I feel drawn to- Avebury, Glastonbury, Tewkesbury, Avignon- but I've lived in none of them and none of them is home..... 

Comments

[idahoswede.livejournal.com]

Although "there are places I remember", I never felt home until I moved to Sweden and somehow that is where my heart decided was home.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I believe it's my nature always to feel a little disconnected- no matter where I am.

[karenkay.livejournal.com]

I feel this way about Austin. I loved my childhood, and my neighborhood there, but I'd never live there again.

[michaleen.livejournal.com]

Most of my forty-eight years have been spent less than fifty miles from where I was born, in a small town in the mountains of western Virginia. I have an abiding dislike for it, though the area in which it lies is stunningly beautiful. Today, I live about ten miles from there.

Home is probably the small village where my grandparents lived and farmed and my parents live today. I love the land and landscape, but have mixed feelings about the people. Socially, I have not been truly comfortable since leaving northern California tweny years ago this month.

What a depressing topic, but I suppose it is the season.

Happy Christmas to you and yours.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's the time of year for thinking about such things as identity, family and where one belongs.

I have never entirely belonged anywhere or in any group. I'm comfortable with that. Trying to fit in makes me terribly unhappy.

And a Happy Christmas to you :)

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

If Ailz's mimicry of it is to be credited I sound like Lord Toffington of Tofftown.

Haha! I loved this.

Merry Christmas, Tony and Ailz!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Merry Christmas, Jackie.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I'm London through and through, but specifically Hampstead, although I can't afford to live there any more. Still, the rest of London's got lovely bits, too. I fantasize about living in the deep countryside somewhere, like Cumbria or Cornwall, but I've been to both places and the people are stunningly lovely for the first week (you can put your bag down! Nobody nicks it or blows it up!); and on the second week you encounter the smalltown sneering derision of ideas like equality, sashimi, being gay, feminism, climbing mountains in heels, and being nice to cows.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I fantasize about living in a small west country town, but I know I'd find it stifling. I like being on a street where half my neighbours are Muslim.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

My heart is divided between two homes in general...both the US and Spain feel like home to me though Spain and Europe do more these days. I don't feel tied to a particular area or town though. I could easily live in a few places in the UK and feel very much at home e.g. and in other places in Spain. My problem is the same as yours re: the house we have lived in for 25 years: I am tearily attached to it. I've never thought of it as a snail's attachment but you are so right.

Happy Christmas to both of you!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Happy Christmas.

I did once think of settling in the USA. Oddly enough my American wife (as was) wouldn't hear of it.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

And I wouldn't hear of living there now either.
:)
I feel lucky and privileged to live in Europe and adopt Spain as my homeland.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

She came from a small town in Kentucky. I thought it was charming. She knew how stifling it could be.

[ron-broxted.livejournal.com]

Good blogge. Accent is a pertinent point, I've been in Belfast for 2 decades and still sound like a southern English person. I was born in a crummy part of the East End, I can't abide London. The only 2 places I ever wanted to be were Belfast and Bristol. I'd settle for the Pyrennes or Campania mind.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I have a love-hate relationship with London. There have been times (this isn't one of them) when I've thought it would be nice to live there.

[ron-broxted.livejournal.com]

You have a point, my London life was in blocs, '61-64 Deptford, '69-88 Millwall, Brixton, '05 Tottenham, and '07 Brentford (actually half and half in Ealing). If one is in a good district is bearable.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

In my view, home is the place that calls me - but that might be partly because I grew up in accommodation tied to employment, and so did my children.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I spent ten years living in vicarages etc- and didn't live in a house of my own choosing until I was 35.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

I lived in Vicarages/Rectories until I was 19, then in assorted rentals/tied accommodation, then brought up my children in a flat over a shop - then back to a Vicarage and on to tied/rented/retired accommodation. I find that most of my acquaintances - in real life and on the net - find it really difficult to accept the possibility of a lifetime spent in tied /rented accommodation

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's because we- and the Americans too- set such a value on home ownership.

I've lived in a gutted Victorian rectory- in conditions that made it little better than a squat, in a council flat, a council house, in the servants' quarters of another Victorian rectory and in a post-war vicarage. I have fond memories of all those homes.

[ibid.livejournal.com]

I am looking for home. I live with my parents but it is no longer the cosy place I remember - I think it's because I've grown up. I want to go home but I don't know what it is for me anymore.

Merry xmas anyway!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I moved around quite a bit before I settled down. And lived in some interesting places. I'd never have believed when I was a kid that I'd have ended up where I did.

Happy Christmas

[sovay]

There are places I feel drawn to- Avebury, Glastonbury, Tewkesbury, Avignon- but I've lived in none of them and none of them is home.....

Is it something you want, that kind of home?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

No, not any longer.

[michael john grist (from livejournal.com)]

I feel much the same way. Tokyo is obviously not home, though there is no place solidly home back in the uk either. I spent most time in Bolton, and perhaps the fields near the old house there would be most home, where I used to play as a kid.

If/when I come back to the uk, I have no strong idea of where I'd live.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Not having a "home" leaves you free to wander. I don't think that's a bad thing. A lot of people need to feel they belong in a particular place. I used to think I wanted that, but I don't believe I do any more.

[(Anonymous)]

My home is 'where the heart is', so I can live wherever my loved ones are I guess. That may mean wandering a bit and feeling somewhat rootless, but that's ok too. Meanwhile, home needs to be where one can work from or reach work from but the move to new technology that enables working remotely from a fixed place of work can liberate us.....depending on circumstances...
Merry Christmas!
love
Jenny xxx

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

I grew up on Tyneside and I always referred to it as "going home", until my parents retired and moved to the Lake District, which was a place of many holidays but it is not "home" for me. Oxford felt very alien, which is one of the reasons I moved to Reading - its unattractiveness and practicality makes it feel more like somewhere I am used to (though I now live outside of Reading).

I miss the North Sea and the Northumberland coast, though, and there is nowhere that can replace that.