Home Is

[poliphilo]

I was talking on the phone last night to my mother's friend Nora. She said she was looking forward to seeing us when we "come home", which jarred a little. Perhaps visiting one's mother is always "coming home" no matter where she is, but I left to get married before she moved to the village she's living in now- and I've never had any particular feeling for it. 

I grew up in South Croydon. If anywhere is home I suppose that should be, but I haven't been back in thirty years. It doesn't call to me. My parents moved to Kent when I was ten and I was never really happy there. I moved to the Manchester area in my mid twenties and have tried to love the place- and in a way I do- but I don't belong. Only the other day in the chip shop the Chinese girl behind the counter asked me if I was passing through. My accent gives me away.  If Ailz's mimicry of it is to be credited I sound like Lord Toffington of Tofftown. When challenged I tend to say I'm a Londoner- on the strength of having been born in The Westminster Children's Hospital- but I'm not really.  

In one sense this house is home. The last time we thought about moving I discovered I was tearily attached to it, but that's the snail's attachment to its shell and not the kind of rootedness I'm talking about. There are places I feel drawn to- Avebury, Glastonbury, Tewkesbury, Avignon- but I've lived in none of them and none of them is home..... 

Comments

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I'm London through and through, but specifically Hampstead, although I can't afford to live there any more. Still, the rest of London's got lovely bits, too. I fantasize about living in the deep countryside somewhere, like Cumbria or Cornwall, but I've been to both places and the people are stunningly lovely for the first week (you can put your bag down! Nobody nicks it or blows it up!); and on the second week you encounter the smalltown sneering derision of ideas like equality, sashimi, being gay, feminism, climbing mountains in heels, and being nice to cows.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I fantasize about living in a small west country town, but I know I'd find it stifling. I like being on a street where half my neighbours are Muslim.