Annoyance

[poliphilo]

I don't like my father-in-law. I find it hard to be polite to him or even sit in the same room. There are reasons for this, some of which must- in the nature of things- reflect discredit on me. I've written about all this in the past and I don't want to go over it again.  Some people- all of them as far as I can see people of his own generation- find him a thoroughly decent bloke. I think the antipathy is probably deeper than the facts of the case warrant. Even if I knew nothing to his discredit I wouldn't want to be around him. Call it a magnetic repulsion.

He's been in failing health for several years now- and Ailz and I are the ones who have to deal with it day in, day out.  It would be nice if I felt something other than annoyance.

Comments

[baritonejeff.livejournal.com]

As you might imagine, I identify with this strongly.

Yes, it would be so much nicer, and more rewarding, and far less irksome, to do for those for whom one has genuine affection, and respect. For me, the "respect" aspect is the most important - and the lack of it the hardest.

Everything becomes a chore, and a resentment.

Good luck dealing with him. You're "doing the right thing."

Wouldn't it be lovely if you could derive some satisfaction from it?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

They put on Ailz- even though they know the least thing wears her out. They expect her to run around for them and then- as today- when she's just not capable of it- act affronted.

[baritonejeff.livejournal.com]

They sound like lovely, gracious people...

[veronica-milvus.livejournal.com]

It's one of those "games people play" that were defined in Transactional Analysis. If you find yourself saying "ok, here we go again" then it is a repeating pattern with a payoff for the parents, and you could consider how to stop playing their game.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I did a bit of T.A. once- and have forgotten about it. Thanks for the reminder. Yes, we are trapped in repeating pattern. One of the things we should have done- a long time ago- is tell them straight up what fearfully bad parents they were and how they needed to stop being so needy and controlling.