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1. Ailz acquired a foot spa off Freecycle the other day. We went and picked it up and the man who handed it over at the door called me, "my man" twice in the course of thirty seconds. In the far off and long ago "my man" was how rich men in wind-up motor cars addressed  simple, smock-wearing country folk when they had to stop and ask them for directions. It was patronising to the point of insult. Coming from a scruffy-looking bloke in a council house it presumably has other connotations- but I can't say I liked it much.

I just topped the spa up with nearly-boiling water from the kettle. Ailz seems to be enjoying herself. There are bubbles.

2.The blackbirds who nest in our ivy have successfully raised one brood this summer and are now raising another. This makes me happy. One cannot have too many blackbirds.

3. Michael Newton- author of Journey of Souls-  says we enter into a covenant not to remember past incarnations when our souls return to earth. We have lessons to learn- and it's better we start with a clean slate.  Our responses will be fresher if events surprise us-  and the task will seem more urgent if we don't realise we have lives to burn. Yes-  fair enough-  but to know what I was is to know who I am- and I'm finding it really frustrating to be kept in the dark.

Date: 2008-06-18 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackiejj.livejournal.com
Your wonderful vivid stories about ancient times--I'm thinking of course of the Purchas novels, and the fine story about Robin Hood!--convince me that you were somehow a part of those times.

I wonder: I've read that our personalities--our present lives--are like pearls on a necklace, that the necklace string is us, the real us, and that we return to that string and this person we now are is--what? Gone?--does Maxwell subscribe to that theory?

Where is this string, in relation to God? Because I tend to leave out the string and just think: okay, when I die, I get a little time floating around in Purgatory, maybe (or not) reliving the shame and humiliation and fleeting triumphs of my small life, and then I float inexorably into the great Caldron Of Life Which is God and disappear--I wistfully would love to be still aware somehow.

Still, if we knew our awareness was going to surely be snuffed out in the great caldron, wouldn't we avoid it (like hell, so to speak)? Yet that seems to be the final goal: back to the Source. (And that's why it's so tempting to think in terms of God-needing-us in terms of God's own development)

Date: 2008-06-18 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackiejj.livejournal.com
By the way (and I promise I'll quit writing so much now!), I was remembering yesterday how I once, when married, had a horrible toothache and was in agony, and my husband put his hand on my cheek and held it there for maybe ten seconds, and my pain went completely away and didn't come back! I went to the dentist two days later.

Date: 2008-06-18 02:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poliphilo.livejournal.com
How odd that your abusive husband should also have been a healer.

I have that skill too. I don't much like to use it. It makes me feel weird. And somehow phoney.

Alice has it- and is currently training as a Reiki healer. When she was a little girl she once laid hands upon a dying gerbil and brought it back to life.

Date: 2008-06-18 02:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackiejj.livejournal.com
He's now very ill and can't leave his house anymore--he can't breathe.

They are, his mother told me (she lives creepily around the corner from me, a bent-over old woman, cold and sad) suggesting hospice for him now.

I am so used to rushing in to right things, to--oh: smooth things over. This time I just stand by, knowing there is nothing I can or should do, ever, now.

Kate and Richard must do this themselves, without me.

But there's this part left: that I still see him as a boy, and unbroken, in the brief time when we first loved each other.

Date: 2008-06-18 03:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poliphilo.livejournal.com
That's sad.

But, yes, you've played your part in his life.

Do Kate and Richard have a good relationship with their father?

Date: 2008-06-18 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackiejj.livejournal.com
Kate steers away from ever talking about him. She once said, "Mom: there's nothing there. I don't feel anything for him." I think that she has compassion for him as she would any person going through a hard time, but as a stranger.

My son's relationship is more complicated, I think, and less resolved.

Both, I think, feel sad for him, and go on with their lives.

Date: 2008-06-18 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poliphilo.livejournal.com
That's karma, isn't it?

We reap what we sow.

Maybe he'll do better next time round.

Date: 2008-06-18 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poliphilo.livejournal.com
We will all have lived many, many lives- hundreds possibly. I believe our spirits have access to memories of them all, but for practical purposes dwell only upon the more significant ones. I think the image of pearls on a string is good- but a little misleading- because in this case it's the string that's valuable.

I don't believe the return to God is a snuffing out. Maybe it would be more accurate (and cheerful) to suggest that what happens to us is that we become God.

Date: 2008-06-18 02:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackiejj.livejournal.com
we become God.

I can believe that more than anything else we've said.

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