My mother (on our return from taking her to the dentist's): "I think I should be paying you for all these trips we make and then I think that I'm feeding and housing you..."
A friend who had to give up her own life to care for her frail, confused and difficult mother was somewhat taken aback when the mother started demanding rent from her.
I have an author friend who is probably about 80. For over a decade he has sent me a $100 check each year to support my research and web site. He recently offered to photocopy a historic document for me, but surprised me by saying "I'll have to charge you for each page of the copying." So he sent me an itemized bill for something like $21.74 -- along with my annual $100 check. I think age is starting to creep into his perspective on money. (I promptly sent him a check for $21.74, of course.)
Now that my mom is living with our littlest sister, who is no longer working so she can care for her, we're giving our sister the $2K a month that we used to pay to the assisted living facility. It seems simple and right.
Perhaps your mother should see in print what hiring someone to help would cost her or what a good assisted residential situation would cost. You are being taken for granted and she has forgotten that it was she who needed the help and not vice versa.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 12:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 11:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 12:34 pm (UTC)It would cost her £72 a day to hire someone to do what we're doing...
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Date: 2013-10-11 01:31 pm (UTC)I know what my MiL was having to pay as we were so far away.
Maybe you need to mention that small fact?
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Date: 2013-10-11 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 12:38 pm (UTC)My mother doesn't understand money. I think that's part of it. My father was a generous man- but then he did.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 02:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 02:48 pm (UTC)You are being taken for granted and she has forgotten that it was she who needed the help and not vice versa.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 06:46 pm (UTC)£72 per day. That's the rate.