Parenthood

[poliphilo]

I want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post about surrogacy. It's been really interesting.

Here's a related issue. At the beginning of her article Melanie Thernstrom writes, "to be childless felt like being deprived of something essential: the primal human experience." This niggles me. To begin with I simply disagree. Parenthood is not the "primal human experience".   The primal human experience is engagement with the world- and whatever it happens to throw up; a childless life is not a second-class life. Secondly it comes dangerously close to asserting parenthood as a "right"- which I don't believe it is. Parenthood is a privilege- which many abuse. Children are not property or playthings or an extension of the parent, but  autonomous beings whom the parent is never going to fully understand. The greatest thing a parent can do for their child is to let it go. As Khalil Gibran wrote, "Your children are not your children."

I'd like to know what you think...

Comments

[redatt.livejournal.com]

I think the important part of that sentence is "felt like" and I'm not sure one can really disagree with how another person feels or with the phrases they use in an attempt to communicate their pain.

I agree with you about what the "primal human experience" actually is, but the don't agree that feeling as though childlessness cuts one off from it is at all dangerously close to asserting that parenthood is a right.

After all, privilege or right, for the vast majority of us parenthood does form part --I would argue a huge part-- of our "primal human experience" and it does so without us ever having to come to terms with not being able to do it naturally (or at all) or even face that possibility.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Parenthood is an awesome responsibility. I have three children- all now adults. Raising them was the hardest work I ever did- and I'm very much aware of all the ways in which I let them down.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, your statement seems to be coming a little bit out of left field as they say. I'm not sure how it relates directly to anything my comment or if it's meant to.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

You're quite right. Put it down to tiredness.

I don't believe Thernstorm raises herself above criticism by writing "felt" instead of "thought". There's an idea there- and ideas exist to be debated.

Nor do I think she can hide behind her "pain". We have all suffered pain. It's the human condition. If pain excuses everything then nothing's right and nothing's wrong.