Ooh, But This Is Bracing

[poliphilo]

Ailz just rang me all upset because she'd been talking to her father.  Did he ask her how she was? Apparently not. Did she get to know how he was?  Oh yes- and how!  He was in tears, barely able to speak- and his legs have swollen up- and now she's in a spin about how she's making him ill. Her mother is in a spin too (you can tell by how dithery she's become). I'm furious (well, calming down a bit now) but as I said to Ailz, I'm her next of kin and if I can hold it together, her bloody father can.

He's done this to her all her life,  the selfish, controlling, old pantaloon. You can't suffer in that family without him suffering more. "Don't upset, your father, Aileen, you'll give him a headache." And now, of course- now that he's really ill- whenever someone takes the spotlight off him he can scare them out of it by threatening to die.  It's amazing what power there is in weakness!

Otherwise,  it's looking like Ailz's trouble is being caused by adhesions left over from the surgery she had in 2005. She moved funny and tore or twisted one of them- something like that.  She's scheduled for an ultrasound scan, but it probably won't happen today because of the waiting list.

Comments

[amritarosa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do hope she is able to get fixed up and feel better soon.

I am experiencing a similar thing with a family member right now, and I'm torn between the anger and guilt axis of the thing. I want to cut loose and tell her off, but dammit she's old and in poor health and I just can't do that. I've been trying an approach that is pretty much the A.I.D. approach described here for a couple of years with some improvement. But there's something akin to an abuse/apology cycle that still goes on and I haven't the guts to escalate it when the tantrums/drama happen even after the promises to stop it have been made. Fortunately that doesn't happen as often as it used to but it still sucks.

It's horrible, you have my sympathies.

[amritarosa.livejournal.com]

The family member is my mom. Not sure why I didn't just say that :) hm... Do I need a little distance, much ?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Mothers and fathers- what a pain they can be!

It's so very hard to break the ties that bind. I kicked Ailz's parents out the house once, but they came creeping back.