Wedding Day Nerves

[poliphilo]

1. Ailz and I agree that if we were getting together now we wouldn't bother to get married- and that we did it back then (nearly 17 years ago) because we were unsure of ourselves. On the whole, I see the decline in marriage as a good thing- a sign that people are less dependent than they used to be on the approval of Church and State.

2. There's a vicar in Surrey who's in trouble with his parishioners because he won't marry out-of-towners- not even if they're the children of parishioners. I used to take much the same line when I was a vicar so I sympathise. "Sorry," I'd say, smiling sweetly all the while. "Church law forbids it." (Which was true) " My hands are tied."  I don't know why this isn't working for him. I guess he just doesn't have my people skills. Mind you, his church is in a wealthy area (it featured in one of the Bridget Jones movies) and most of the people who'd like to have it as a backdrop for their photographs are used to getting what they want.

2b. Why not get married in front of a green screen? Then you can paste in any backdrop you fancy. 

2c. I didn't enjoy conducting weddings. They gummed up my Saturday afternoons, I rarely got to see the people again- and all that legal paperwork terrified me. 

3. Ailz and I conducted a number of Wiccan handfastings. I don't believe any of those couples are still together. In one case the beginning of the break-up can be dated from the ceremony.

4. The fanciest wedding I ever went to was in Worcester cathedral. My seat was within spitting distance of the tomb of "bad" King John. The groom was some sort of diplomat and the bride was my distant cousin. They've split up.

5. I can't believe this post has turned out so unremittingly negative. 

6. We're going to a wedding this afternoon. It'll be great. Think orange blossom.

7. Actually, I'm nervous. All this cynicism is bravado. Neither of us likes being in big groups or socialising with strangers or (even worse) people we half-know. 

8. Time I went and got ready.

Comments

[mokie]

My mother insists that a marriage is nothing but a piece of paper that means nothing and is worth nothing; she's never said, but I suspect she also views it as a controlling thing, given that my father apparently married to have a blackmail-leash on a woman. Too often around here in redneck land, marriages have been last ditch efforts to save dying relationships--the couple clasps hands (finally!) and vows that, for better or worse, they're going down with the ship, and then their ten-year-old daughter holds up the rings...

Even so, I'm not so keen on the decline of wedding. I live in the land of the commitmentphobes, men who'll do anything to avoid being legally obligated to a woman or the children he has with her. I think it helps to have a piece of paper that says, "Yes, I am an adult and I will be responsible for my part in this relationship." Even if he (or she) really views it as a piece of paper worth nothing and meaning nothing.

(Personally, I'd want a walking marriage or none at all. Give me commitment, but give me space, too.)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

A "walking marriage"? That phrase is new to me. Sounds good, though.