Wedding Day Nerves

[poliphilo]

1. Ailz and I agree that if we were getting together now we wouldn't bother to get married- and that we did it back then (nearly 17 years ago) because we were unsure of ourselves. On the whole, I see the decline in marriage as a good thing- a sign that people are less dependent than they used to be on the approval of Church and State.

2. There's a vicar in Surrey who's in trouble with his parishioners because he won't marry out-of-towners- not even if they're the children of parishioners. I used to take much the same line when I was a vicar so I sympathise. "Sorry," I'd say, smiling sweetly all the while. "Church law forbids it." (Which was true) " My hands are tied."  I don't know why this isn't working for him. I guess he just doesn't have my people skills. Mind you, his church is in a wealthy area (it featured in one of the Bridget Jones movies) and most of the people who'd like to have it as a backdrop for their photographs are used to getting what they want.

2b. Why not get married in front of a green screen? Then you can paste in any backdrop you fancy. 

2c. I didn't enjoy conducting weddings. They gummed up my Saturday afternoons, I rarely got to see the people again- and all that legal paperwork terrified me. 

3. Ailz and I conducted a number of Wiccan handfastings. I don't believe any of those couples are still together. In one case the beginning of the break-up can be dated from the ceremony.

4. The fanciest wedding I ever went to was in Worcester cathedral. My seat was within spitting distance of the tomb of "bad" King John. The groom was some sort of diplomat and the bride was my distant cousin. They've split up.

5. I can't believe this post has turned out so unremittingly negative. 

6. We're going to a wedding this afternoon. It'll be great. Think orange blossom.

7. Actually, I'm nervous. All this cynicism is bravado. Neither of us likes being in big groups or socialising with strangers or (even worse) people we half-know. 

8. Time I went and got ready.

Comments

[manfalling.livejournal.com]

I went to a wedding this morning- a full-on Japanese affair in Meiji Jingu (big shrine).

I don't suppose anybody got emotional or anything- but I think this kind of ceremony is nice for a number of reasons.

1- It gets everyone together. Sure they're people who barely know each other, but marriage is about bonds right? Now they're all family.

2- It's an affirmation of life, and of their commitment.

I once argued with a New Zealander who insisted her 'civil union' (or whatever a long-term but non-marital relationship is called there) was every bit as committed as any that a married couple have. Of course she could be telling the truth, but at the same time, she's not put the same things on the line. It's the difference between stepping up to fight and just having the battle brought to you. Either way there's gonna be the fight, just in one you man up and say- 'bring it on!' for everyone who knows you to hear.

I'm a sucker for that kind of boldness.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That sounds like good fun.

This was a Shinto ceremony, right?

I know what you're saying about commitment, but surely that can exist- as you N.Z. friend maintains- without all the razz-matazz.