Wedding Day Nerves

[poliphilo]

1. Ailz and I agree that if we were getting together now we wouldn't bother to get married- and that we did it back then (nearly 17 years ago) because we were unsure of ourselves. On the whole, I see the decline in marriage as a good thing- a sign that people are less dependent than they used to be on the approval of Church and State.

2. There's a vicar in Surrey who's in trouble with his parishioners because he won't marry out-of-towners- not even if they're the children of parishioners. I used to take much the same line when I was a vicar so I sympathise. "Sorry," I'd say, smiling sweetly all the while. "Church law forbids it." (Which was true) " My hands are tied."  I don't know why this isn't working for him. I guess he just doesn't have my people skills. Mind you, his church is in a wealthy area (it featured in one of the Bridget Jones movies) and most of the people who'd like to have it as a backdrop for their photographs are used to getting what they want.

2b. Why not get married in front of a green screen? Then you can paste in any backdrop you fancy. 

2c. I didn't enjoy conducting weddings. They gummed up my Saturday afternoons, I rarely got to see the people again- and all that legal paperwork terrified me. 

3. Ailz and I conducted a number of Wiccan handfastings. I don't believe any of those couples are still together. In one case the beginning of the break-up can be dated from the ceremony.

4. The fanciest wedding I ever went to was in Worcester cathedral. My seat was within spitting distance of the tomb of "bad" King John. The groom was some sort of diplomat and the bride was my distant cousin. They've split up.

5. I can't believe this post has turned out so unremittingly negative. 

6. We're going to a wedding this afternoon. It'll be great. Think orange blossom.

7. Actually, I'm nervous. All this cynicism is bravado. Neither of us likes being in big groups or socialising with strangers or (even worse) people we half-know. 

8. Time I went and got ready.

Comments

[daisytells.livejournal.com]

I have wondered more than once why I bothered to marry - 3 times! Since I have been single for about 19 years now, and am enjoying the freedom of it all, I have concluded that I was not the type to marry in the first place. The first marriage was such a screwed-up affair that the two kids got messed up, and I have had to take the entire blame - to this day they hate me. The second marriage was a joke actually - I said yes because he kept asking, and three months after the wedding we split up, friends again. The third marriage fared better, lasted eighteen years until our son was a senior in high school - this kid loves me still, thank God, and his Dad and I bear each other no ill will.
Anyhow, yes, I too get nervous about attending weddings. It seems like the only marriages that have withstood the ravages of time are ones where the people married too young (1950's), had little or nothing materially, had too many kids too fast, yet somehow got through it all and actually have prospered. I get to see some of these old friends a couple of times a year at reunions, and am constantly amazed that so many of them have beaten the odds.
By the way, you and Ailz have stayed together, too! Congratulations! Back in the early 90's the odds were very much against a couple lasting for 19 years or more.

[daisytells.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I meant to type "14" years.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I got married way too young first time round. Too needy, too ignorant, too idealistic. It lasted 12 or 13 years and we had three kids. At some stage of the proceedings my wife discovered she was gay...

Thanks for the congrats. I see marriage- and indeed love- as being a matter of willpower; you make your choice and you stick with it.