Fathers And Sons

[poliphilo]

I kept away from my father. I wasn't living as he wanted me to live and it was horrid to enter that atmosphere of disapproval and judgement. Also we had nothing in common. I'd visit and I'd get a migraine. 

I don't suppose he ever understood why I was so offish with him. He'd given me a wonderful education, hadn't he?

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child."

And now I'm getting the same offishness from one of my own kids. Like the man said, "You reap, reap, reap what you sow."

I don't mean to complain. I don't want sympathy. Please, please, no sympathy. This is how it works between the generations. 

My father had a love-hate relationship with his own father. The old man wouldn't let go. He loomed over my father's life offering counsel. Maybe that's why my father stood so far back with me. He didn't want to make the same mistake. He didn't want to be oppressive. 

Maybe I'm oppressive.  I don't mean to be.

Once they're dead they're easy to forgive. 

Men are prey animals, scared, scared, scared. The more patriarchal we seem the more frightened we are.  We're just king-pin bunnies- scanning the shadows for movement, listening out for the hawk's wings in the sky.

Comments

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I've got to a stage where I can see my parents as ordinary human beings- but only if I screw up my eyes and squint.

[le-oef.livejournal.com]

the "battle" between father and son should at some point in the maturing relationship turn into a dialog, sometimes it may be a heated one, but just an exchange of ideas. and afterward the son who is slowly getting wiser will hopefully say "alright that was fun. thanks for your perspective. see you next sunday dad!"

i place the fault on the person who gets offended.
it's staying mad and hurt which messes things up. it seems that usually its the children who get offended....
but i suppose theres varying degrees of offenses.
my dad was oppressive and we fought but i can't say he was terrible to me. maybe if he was "terrible" i would be saying something else.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I made my peace with my father just weeks before he died. Phew, that was a close call.

With my son? I haven't really fallen out with him. I just want to be treated with a little respect. I don't mean the respect that a son owes his father, but simply the respect one human being accords another if social relations are to run smoothly.