The Beginning Of A Friendship

[poliphilo]

Ailz's OU tutor Keith H retired at the end of the last academic year. We always liked him. Now that our "business arrangement"  is in the past there's the posibility we might actually be friends. We went to his house yesterday and met his partner and ate chocolate biscuits and talked for a couple of hours about books, travel and art. I believe we all had fun. He sent us home with a couple of bags full of Shakespeare vids he no longer needs.

These early moves in a friendship are exactly like courtship. You're looking for signs that the person really wants you there and isn't just being polite. I'm very, very conscious of how dreadful it is to overstep the mark. I've had people push it with me- back in the day when I was someone it might be profitable to know- and I've squirmed in my chair as they overstayed their welcome and ignored the ever heavier hints I was dropping. It would be so humiliating to be that thick-skinned, unwelcome guest.

Keith is going into hospital for an operation and we've said we'll take him grapes. He seems to like the idea.

Comments

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

Isn't it delightful how all intimacies seem born of the same place? Like a stone's facets... each one a singular plane, but all the same gem.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes. Love, friendship: they're the same thing I think. The sexual thing- the explicitly sexual thing- is an add-on.

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

At the risk of sounding sexist, this is a belief I've seen more often from women than men... have you always felt so?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I've always thought love and friendship should go together, but I don't think I'd have formulated my belief in the terms I used above until quite recently.

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

Shortly after I made that comment I got to thinking: perhaps it is an age/life experience thing, not a gender thing. And here is your response. :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I think it's a bit of both. Men do tend to rate sex more highly than women do, but with age comes a levelling out.

[mummm.livejournal.com]

Best wishes for a happy friendship!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine you or Ailz being "thick-skinned," but certainly I can't imagine your being unwelcome guests!

How thrilled and happy I would be to have you two at my door.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That's very kind of you.

Friendship, real friendship, is a fairly rare thing I think. At least it has been in my life.

I think of you as a friend.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I've usually BEEN the thick skinned guest who outstayed her welcome. You're right, it IS humiliating.

Finding friends is a wonderful thing. And finding someone to bring you grapes...an added bonus.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That's something that's so good about LJ- the friendships are real but the social embarrassment factor is very much less.

[fickleasever.livejournal.com]

You've hit the nail on the head there.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thanks