Firefighters II

[poliphilo]

The kids had another go at burning down the fence on the far side of the back alley- only this time there were five of them when I went out with my bowl of water and  I got shouted at and had burning sticks waved in my face. I decided (if indeed you actually make decisions in these situations) that I'd call their bluff and just get on with the job- so I did and came out of it unscathed- but it has rattled me some.

Comments

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

When I suggested to the kids that their fire might burn down the fence one of them replied, "So what?"

[besideserato.livejournal.com]

That blows my mind. How do you instill respect? How do you make kids want to be proud of where they live and seek to conserve it instead of tearing it down?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I think all kids have that destructive streak.

How do you instill respect? I don't know. By earning it, I guess.

Did you respect adults when you were a kid? I didn't- not unless they were worthy of it and lots of them weren't- but I was afraid of them.

[besideserato.livejournal.com]

Adults are tough to look up to because they're human and human error is easy to spot no matter how young you are. (It's easiest to spot when you are young and are told adults are always right. I wasn't brought up that way.) So, in that sense, I guess I didn't respect them. But I did what they told me because I understood they had authority. I didn't fear them, though corporal and other sorts of punishment were acceptable at my school. It didn't happen often; we were all well-behaved.

I didn't realize not doing your homework was an option until I got to the US. That's insane in Peru. Not writing in perfect cursive by third grade is insane. Not getting As is insane. It's shameful. Who would want to shame his or herself like that? It's not that hard to sit still and do your work, go home, eat, play, do homework and study, play, eat, bathe, watch TV, see your parents and go to bed.

Admittedly, it is harder as a teen because you suddenly have so much more to say and do, but by that time, I knew what was expected of me and stuck to it. Even through my most intense phase of mischief, I did not forget that teachers, mentors, and parents had authority. There is a difference between doing and believing everything unquestioningly and just knowing when you need to shut up, listen, nod and make sure the other person feels OK. It's more about them than you. Occasionally even the dumbest people say amazing things. And even when they don't, they deserve to be heard.

My father (and his before him) always said, "I don't like you doing ______. I can't stop you, but at least have the decency to never do this in front of me or in a way I will find out." That's respect--knowing where the boundaries are. Those who came before you have boundaries you may not yet have. They're not written in stone and my change at any time, but you have the responsibility to learn what they are and observe them as best as you can even if you never ever fully understand what they're about. The best part of growing up is finally uncovering the reasons behind these boundaries. Every once in a while I think of something my parents said, get it and feel like they're geniuses.

But what I meant was respect for property. I would never do anything to anyone's stuff and I wouldn't have then. Stuff is an extension of the people who own it, even if you don't know who they are. Vandalizing is striking against that person or those people and the community. You don't have to look up to them to know that's not OK. Plus, when you live in an area, don't you want it to look nice?