Paedophilia

[poliphilo]

There's a paedophile character in the rock opera Tommy called Uncle Ernie. In the movie version he's played by Keith Moon. He has a song about how he likes to "fiddle about". It's a comic song.

We've since learned that Pete Townsend was abused as a kid. And of course there was that business a few years back where he was caught researching paedophilia on-line and got into the most awful trouble.

But back in 1975- when Tommy was released- it was bad form to talk about paedophilia. And when it was talked about  the tone was exactly the one Townsend adopted with Uncle Ernie- sinister but comic. 

There's a paedophile character in Evelyn's Waugh's Decline and Fall. Captain Grimes. What a card, eh? A dreadful rogue, of course, but you can't help loving him.

And then there's Auden's Uncle Henry- another lovable rogue. A little sad, perhaps. "Here's to women for they bear/ such lovely kiddies."

Of course everyone knew about the dodgy scoutmasters, schoolmasters and priests. We had a flagrantly paedophile teacher at my school. All the boys hated him. First night of the new school year he'd go round the junior dormitory before lights out "introducing himself" to the new intake.  I understood that the school authorities kept him on a shortish leash. There'd been a hushed-up scandal a year or two before  and he'd been told to control himself or face dismissal. But he was the best maths teacher going and they didn't want to lose him.

This is just the attitude that the Roman Catholic Bishops are now getting sued  for. Father X has an unfortunate predilection for choirboys. There have been complaints. Tch, tch, better move him to another parish then.

I don't want to let the bishops off the hook, but their hugger-mugger, snigger-snigger, brush it under the carpet attitude was the attitude of a whole society. No-one was in the business of exposing paedophiles.

And then, suddenly- in the 90s- came the explosion. Uncle Ernie, Uncle Henry, Captain Grimes, Father O'Bubblyfun- those slightly pathetic, sinister-comic characters- are dragged out into the light and  revealed as the worst men in the world. I don't understand quite what happened. It was as if the suppression and repression- the muffled anger of centuries- had finally burst the dam.

The victims were  being heard and a good thing too. 

Except that the current hysteria sheds more darkness than light. OK, child abuse is "evil" but that's a word that stops debate and exploration and any kind of understanding. It turns the loonies loose. Townsend decides to research the issue and finds himself being witch-hunted. An angry mob breaks a paediatrician's windows because they don't know the difference. A photographer gets her show censored because it contains images of her own children naked. 

And what about the evidence that many offenders started out as victims?

When I was a kid I was allowed to wander at large- all day, on my own, round town, through the woods.  The old culture of pretending the danger didn't exist had its up-side. Kids were raped and murdered then as now, but it was always-still is- an infinitesimal risk. 

And most kids who get raped and murdered get raped and murdered in the home.  The offenders aren't strangers but friends and relatives.  Most child abuse is also incest. We know the statistics but we're in denial.

Anyone can be a paedophile. It's not merely a crime, it's a sexual orientation- a human behaviour.

Can I honestly say that anything human is alien to me?

Don't go there. 

Another, lesser reason why we avert our eyes from the problem- not an honourable reason, but humanly understandable- is because the scale of it is so huge. Trawl the internet for down-loaders of kiddy-porn and you scoop-up all sorts- hundreds of them- teachers, police officers, well-loved comedians, husbands, fathers,  pillars of the community.  Nice people.  How many western men regularly take their holidays in countries like Thailand and Vietnam? How many of them are drawn there by the scenery?

We liked to think we were dealing with one or two identifiably dodgy Uncle Ernies and we find we're dealing with a whole subculture. 

Only we're not really dealing with it, are we?

Comments

[dadi.livejournal.com]

Only we're not really dealing with it, are we?

Oh no, we aren't. For sure.
Having been the victim of my very own uncle Ernie (his name actually was VERY similar to that!) I can attest to the truth of all you wrote above. The really ugly stuff happens in the families. You have a lot more possibilities to avoid the creeps at school, in choir, on the road, even in the woods. At home, no, you cant.

My family is still in denial. After more than 30 years, and with all the anti pedophile PR going on. Go figure. And I know, so are most other families where this happened, and happens. The enemy now is the Internet, and the pedo-rackets. Takes the view away from the cozy home, doesn't it?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Lets talk about family values, shall we?

I think we deny the evidence because if my father/brother/uncle can be a paedophile what does that say about me? I've got the same genes, haven't I?

We have to push the horror out there...far away.

The knowledge is too terrible; we're not ready for it yet.

[jenny_evergreen]

Yes. *nod* I wish we were. I wish we would stop making humans that do bad things into "other" so we don't have to deal with the fact that *humans do bad things*.
I pretty much consider this a pipe-dream, though. *sigh*

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

One of the functions of art, I think, is to make us confront our humanity- its heights and its depths. To help us understand that we are capable of anything.

[solar-diablo.livejournal.com]

Anyone can be a paedophile. It's not merely a crime, it's a sexual orientation- a human behaviour.

I think the denial rises in the fact that while it's human behavior, it's one modern western society labels deviant. Racism, sexism, serial murder, and animal abuse are all also human behavior, but behavior deemed detrimental to society. So while I understand your point that this is an issue that needs to be examined and dealt with honestly and openly, the notion of labelling it a mere "sexual orientation" does make me somewhat uncomfortable. It's too close to the legitimization tactics of groups like NAMBLA for my taste.

Or am I being bigoted for wanting it to be labelled a deviant sexual behavior?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

My point is that it's programmed into the individual. Racism, sexism and animal cruelty are learned behaviours that can be unlearned. Sexual tastes are different.

The word "deviant" suggests there's a "norm" and I'm a little uncomfortable with that. I think I'd prefer the word "criminal".

[solar-diablo.livejournal.com]

Isn't there a norm, though? Specifically, that a condition of legitimate sexual intercourse is that it involves consenting adults? Now, I realize that a society's determination of what constitutes a legal consenting adult can be somewhat arbitrary (why is a just-turned 18 year old a legal adult in the US, but a 17 year old two months away from his birthday a minor?), but arbitrary anything is unavoidable in dealing with humans.

I will agree that sexual contact between an adult and a child is, and should be labelled, criminal. But why does calling it "criminal" instead of "deviant" make it better, in terms of facilitating dialogue? Doesn't labelling an act "criminal" set up a binary distinction between good and bad? Just as many pitfalls there, I should think.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Looking a little deeper I think my objection to the word "deviant" has to do with it's having been used as a synonym for "homosexual". I shy away from it because of the taint of homophobia.

[solar-diablo.livejournal.com]

That's interesting, I shied away from labelling it (paedophilia) a "sexual orientation" because I'm afraid it plays into the hand of some in the Christian Right who decry society legitimizing homosexual relationships, thinking it "opens the floodgates" for all sorts of sex acts, including child molestation and bestiality. That, and hearing NAMBLA say the same thing in reverse - that their sexual preference for young boys is simply their orientation and therefore no more "deviant" than hetero- or homosexual relationships between adults.

Sorry, didn't intend to be so long-winded on your LJ but it's an interesting discussion.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It is interesting.

We're both reaching for an adjective that will convey our disgust without playing into the hands of our "enemies". Very tricky.

[four-thorns.livejournal.com]

i think to some extent sexual tastes are learned. culture does play a role in influencing which features are seen as desirable, and i think western beauty standards and the media promote the characteristics of young girls (skinny underdeveloped bodies, lack of pubic hair, etc) as sexually desirable. i think this contributes to young girls being seen in a sexualized manner.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I agree. I think our culture hates the adult female body.

But I suspect (admittedly without evidence) that some paedophiles are born.

[ibid.livejournal.com]

But then are hetero or homosexuals 'born'? Or are there a whole host of factors which come into play, biology, culture, personal experiences? It irritates me how reductive talk and discussion on sexuality is in the popular media.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

We don't really know, do we? But hasn't there been recent research that demonstrates that homo and heterosexuality can be linked to brain chemistry- or something along those lines? I remember the findings being brandished about in a religious context as proving- to the discomfort of fundamentalist homophobes- that "God intends" some people to be gay.

But basically I agree with what you're saying. There are all sorts of factors in play.

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

It was a 'trusted family friend' who got me. What he did to me 40 years ago has resonated through my whole life, sad to say.

I tried to tell my parents, but they would not listen. And even precocious 6-year olds don't have the language skills to convince them. I don't think they would have believed me.

They are monsters. Blighters of lives and trust. They should be destroyed when they are found.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Again and again I'm hearing this- that the parents wouldn't accept the child's testimony. It's almost as bad a betrayal as the initial crime.

As if a child would invent this kind of accusation for fun!

[ex-roomette173.livejournal.com]

I grew up in an area where a very proliific serial killer was preying on the community.

And though he did prey on children he preyed specifically on young women who worked in the sex industry. It did not stop the legions of parents lining our walk home from school with flashlights, turning out like a mob because someone spotted a homeless man in the woods. I am not saying that some caution or discussion was not called for- but the hysteria s something I remember very clearly despite my young age at the time.

I've really strugged with the Church's manner of dealing with the issue of abuse but my mother keeps reminding me that not too long ago it was as you described...it was considered a "condition" that could be cured not an actualy sexual orientation. It is hard for me to conceive of this but I keep thinking of "M" and Peter Lorre in front of all the crooks and petty theives, shouting about his crimes and theirs and the parallel being drawn and I think that a history of such a thing would be very helpful in the muddle of understanding exactly what we're dealing with. (not that we can ever achieve that precision but we can certainly come closer than we have in recent years to an understanding of it.)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Ailz grew up in the area where the Moors Murderers- Ian Brady and Myra Hindley- used to hunt for victims. They cast a blighting shadow over her childhood.

It seems to me we're not yet brave enough to confront the issues raised by paedophilia. We don't want to have to acknowlege that "nice" people like ourselves can do such things.

[ibid.livejournal.com]

Well put.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[ibid.livejournal.com]

Another thing that springs to mind, what about childhood sexuality and our society's discomfort with it? While unquestionably paedophilia is damaging, what of when children are experimenting among themselves? I recall reading a biographical account of a !Kung woman in the Kalahari desert who said that children played very sexually and had full blown intercourse from an early age, however always among their peers and never with adults.

I find it interesting that we are becoming more sexualised yet denying children natural instincts (though of course this is not something adults should get involved in!)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Good point.

I remember having very powerful sexual fantasies when I was a little kid.

Mostly to do with peeing.