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 I took the frogs back home. They were in danger from the cat. They lived in an enormous, scary building. I told myself I wasn't afraid of ghosts. I went in, switched the lights on, disclosing a vast circular space like a circus ring. Show time. Curtains rustled or maybe they were flags. People came marching out.

A gay couple were having sex in the front room. I paused on the stairs and thought, "Actually, I do live an interesting life".

Al Pacino asked me up to his flat so I could help him answer a questionnaire. "I'll give you American tea," he said.

The workman's face was also a desk. It contained all sorts of junk. I took out a toy soldier. "You get one of those free," he said, with every Barack Obama."

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