Peptides

[poliphilo]

Apparently the body can produce chemicals that block memories we'd rather not have. This is proper science, but I've dumbed it down because, though I recognise the word, I've really no idea what a peptide is. The uses are obvious. Most of us have memories of varying degrees of unpleasantness that we'd like to bundle down into the cellar.

Do I? Who knows: If I do I've forgotten them.

Over indulgence in these chemicals may be one of the causes of senile dementia.

I think about my mother and I wonder...

She had me up at six this morning. I sat her on the commode, changed her nappy, put her back to bed. Ever since she has been calling out at intervals saying she wants to get up.

As soon as I begin my spiel about her carer not having arrived the shutters come down. It doesn't seem like simple incomprehension, it seems willed. She starts going "I don't know what you're saying," before I've finished speaking.

This isn't new, it's what she's been doing all her life. Try to have a conversation with her about anything apart from jam-making, horses and family gossip and you knew from her tone of voice that you'd crossed a line and she'd stopped engaging with you. It made for a lonely childhood.

It's why we don't really have a relationship...

Eventually I sat her up in bed and offered breakfast. "O, I thought I was going down for tea," she said. Where does she think she is? Back in her childhood home with her nurse? That's the picture I'm getting. She has cancelled the whole of her adult life.

Comments

[cmcmck]

If the body can do that, I wish mine would! All the grislier memories are still crystal clear.

[poliphilo]

You have to want to forget. That's the secret. I suspect in your case the memories are too closely tied to your identity for you to want to bury them.