Mad As Hell

[poliphilo]

You know when a friend or relative says something belittling about you to another friend or relative and this second friend or relative (not that they agree with what was said, oh no) just has to tell you all about it- well, I think that kind of thing is really low. 

Comments

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I agree. I will repeat a compliment, but not a criticism. Ever.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure, but I think the word for this sort of thing is "passive aggressive".

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

Yanno, I've never exactly understood the definition of *passive aggressive* either.

[ideealisme.livejournal.com]

To hell with them, is what I would say. Hopefully these are not rellies you have to meet every day of the week!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That's what I've been saying too...

[athenais.livejournal.com]

It's also called tattling and it's despicable.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It undermines relationships and puts the tattler in a position of power- or at least that's what the tattler is aiming for

[resonant.livejournal.com]

The correct way to do it is, "So-and-so said this mean thing about you, so I peed on them and burned their house down".

[w. lotus (from livejournal.com)]

It depends on the situation. If the person telling is just gossiping and getting joy out of it, that is low. If the person telling is warning you not to trust that other relative, because they are talking badly about you behind your back while smiling to your face, that is loyalty.

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking this. But then I also observe the actions of the one doing the telling - do they continue to be a confidant/friend to the one who has such a low opinion of you?

It's a fraught situation in any case.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

The case I know most about involves a matriarch trying to play her children off against one another.

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

Oh no. That's awful. I've met a couple of people with parents like that, it does terrible damage.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I have two cases in mind. The first is the one that has made me angry- the other- which I know less about- could be about loyalty- though the informee hasn't taken it that way.

[charliemc.livejournal.com]

No kidding! People need to keep things like that to themselves. But they rarely do, for whatever reason... (sigh)

Why do people enjoy spreading BAD news?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I think it's about power- and playing people off against one another.

[davesmusictank.livejournal.com]

Totally agree. It is atrocious behavior IMHO.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

I had a pair of extremely manipulative family members growing up who elevated this to a high art. Took me some time to discover that this isn't the way most of the world operates.

[ingenious76.livejournal.com]

It is very passive aggressive, and says more about them than you.