Day By Day There's Less And Less

[poliphilo]

It's like the tide nibbling away at a drawing in the sand- a constant process of subtraction.  For instance, she used to know when to apply the brakes on her wheelchair and now she doesn't and I have to do it for her. If I didn't she'd be putting her weight on the arms of the unstopped chair as she stands- and she'd end up on her back in the mud.

Incontinence has been an issue for a while. (We'll overlook the farting- she's been doing that for years.) She denies there's a problem and it feels brutal to raise it but it's mortifying that we can't take her out without her leaving little damp spots on the soft furnishings. We issue her with pads but God knows what she does with them.  Jenny has volunteered to talk about this with the district nurse.

I've worked in hospitals and care homes so you'd think I'd be cured of squeamishness, but the damp patches make my skin crawl. Jenny and Ailz and I were discussing this just now. We all feel the same.  Perhaps it makes a difference that this is a family member who has the problem.

We want to preserve my mother's dignity but she's not collaborating with us any more.  

Comments

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

One smiles and carries on :)

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I am sorry if I sounded crabby. I did this with my brother, 21 years ago when he was not quite 41 and the dementia was caused by AIDS. He barely knew who he was, he fell asleep in the middle of conversations, he had the same sanitary problems as your mother because of his liver and kidneys...it was horrible. You're right. I didn't do a lot of smiling, but you've got to get through it somehow.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It must be terrible to watch dementia take hold of a person who is still young.

My mother is 93. In her case this is a a natural winding down- hard to deal with for those of us who are watching- but not, I think, particularly troubling for her.