Fatherhood

[poliphilo]

What's with this this father-son thing that Hollywood keeps shoving
at us?

Spielberg can't leave it alone. Catch Me If You Can was sharp and funny so long as Leo was sticking it to the Man, but then we found out that his delinquency was down to the lack of a father figure and all it needed to reform him was for Tom Hanks to offer him unquestioning love.

Yesterday I was watching Finding Nemo. Great film in its way, but Albert Brooks's fussy lttle everyman of a soccer-dad made me feel queasy. If Ellen DeGeneres hadn't happened along I might well have walked out.

It's like the nineteenth century cult of motherhood. It gives off a sickly smell. I think there's something rotten that's being covered up.

Actually, I know perfectly well what it is. A very high proportion of dads who walk out of a marriage lose contact with their kids within two or three years. And a high proportion of those who stay behind are bullies, brutes and abusers. Of course there are good dads, but there are an awful lot of absolute shites as well.

Do families need fathers?

We daren't say "no" because if we did it would hurt the feelings of men. And that would be tricky because it's men who run the world. So we tell ourselves these cute little stories to keep ourselves from thinking too much about the facts.

There was once a little fishy and his wife got eaten by a barracuda so he had to look after his baby son all by himself and he loved his little son so much that he got a weeny bit over-protective; and then one fine day...

Comments

[egilsdottir.livejournal.com]

Do families need fathers?

i grew up with a father who possessed far more maternal/domestic instincts than my mother did. so much so, that when my parents divorced, my brother and i both lived with my father.

people are puzzled when i tell them that in addition to holding down a demanding job, my father was the one who took my brother and i to doctor and orthodontist appointments, and packed our lunches, and baked chocolate chip cookies.

to me, it's very strange (and sad) when people tell me that they hardly had any contact with their fathers at all while growing up. but then again, that's probably how people feel about me when i tell them the same about my mother.

my boyfriend, for example, has almost no memories of spending time with his father when he was a child. my boyfriend is the product of a chilean father and an american mother. his father very much fit the machismo latin stereotype of constantly working to provide for his family. occasionally, he would lose his temper and yell at my boyfriend and his brothers to sort of "keep them in line", and that was about it. his role in the family was limited to financial support and disciplinarian.

i don't even know where i'm going with this rambling, i suppose i just wanted to add my two cents to the jar. although my family is a somewhat unusual case, the effects of my background have produced a very different concept of gender roles in the family in me.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I guess the thing is that children need parents, but the parents don't need to be two in number, they don't need to be one of either sex and they don't need to be blood relatives. What matters is that, whoever they are, they
provide the child with nurture and love and unquestioning acceptance.