Parenthood

[poliphilo]

I want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post about surrogacy. It's been really interesting.

Here's a related issue. At the beginning of her article Melanie Thernstrom writes, "to be childless felt like being deprived of something essential: the primal human experience." This niggles me. To begin with I simply disagree. Parenthood is not the "primal human experience".   The primal human experience is engagement with the world- and whatever it happens to throw up; a childless life is not a second-class life. Secondly it comes dangerously close to asserting parenthood as a "right"- which I don't believe it is. Parenthood is a privilege- which many abuse. Children are not property or playthings or an extension of the parent, but  autonomous beings whom the parent is never going to fully understand. The greatest thing a parent can do for their child is to let it go. As Khalil Gibran wrote, "Your children are not your children."

I'd like to know what you think...

Comments

[tispity.livejournal.com]

Secondly it comes dangerously close to asserting parenthood as a "right"- which I don't believe it is. Parenthood is a privilege- which many abuse.

I didn't quite get round to responding to your previous post about surrogacy, so I'll comment here instead. I wholeheartedly agree with what you say above. Childless people do seem to be regarded by many as second class citizens and that is wrong. Not all people are cut out - either emotionally or financially - to be parents, yet too many embark on this course due to societal expectation: ticking boxes on the checklist of life, rather than because they really want to be parents and that is wrong too. Children deserve parents who really, really want them and there are simply too many of us on this planet already for anyone to feel forced into producing more due to societal expectation. Yet I know very many people who do feel pressured in exactly that way.

Although I admit I do not wish to become one myself, I'm not saying that I'm anti-parents, I'm not. I've been delighted for the many people I know who are happy parents. Equally I'm not saying that it isn't very sad for people who've wanted kids and not been able to have them but parenting is a privilege and not a right. I know we are lucky to have been free to make this choice but my husband and I do not feel in any way that we're missing out or somehow second-class because of that: there are many ways to reach out, make a real difference and a human connection, starting a family is just one of them.

[craftyailz.livejournal.com]

It's only since I became Menopausal that I've stopped hoping -every month - that, although it couldn't happen - it might. Being childless - when you want one - hurts.

[tispity.livejournal.com]

I understand that, and hope my comment didn't come across as insensitive, I absolutely didn't intend it that way! Sorry if it did. But I just wanted to put across my view as somebody how has been lucky enough to have been able to choose and who gets frustrated when her choice is frowned upon.

[craftyailz.livejournal.com]

Sorry I meant to reply to Tony rather than you personally - no your post didn't come across as insensitive. Opinions are just that opinions and I don't think it right to take them personally unless they are designed to try and alter my behaviour.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Parenthood is very hard work. Creative people often give it a miss- or do it badly- because they don't have the energy to spare.

People shouldn't feel pressured into having children. Bringing life into the world is an awesome responsibility. I've got three children and I'm all too aware of my many failings as a parent.