I Dunno

[poliphilo]

I'm not a believer. Not any more. But I'm not an atheist. Atheism is also a belief.

I suppose the word has to be agnostic. A know-nothing. I will sniff at any nebulous theory you choose to float under my nose- I love that sort of thing- but I'm afraid I won't be buying it- thanks all the same.

Is there a God? Any God worth its Name has to be utterly unknowable- and unknowable is practically the same as non-existent.

Are there gods? Of course- hundreds, nay thousands. They are the faces we see in clouds, in patterns of vegetation, in rock formations, in wallpaper. Most of my favourite gods are goddesses.

Is there Life after Death? I've had too many "intimations of immortality" to deny it. But I'm not going to affirm it either. Why don't we all just wait and see?

Comments

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Is this The Dark Night of the Soul?

The Dark Night sounds so glamourous, but it's anything but. It's the absence of the dimension of wonder, the absence of God.

People like John of the Cross thought that the Dark Night should be embraced for its own sake, that entry into it was a sign of spiritual maturing.

First God entrances us with signs and wonders,
Then he withdraws and leaves us bereft.
Then......

Well, who knows what happens next. The Dark Night doesn't necessarily ever lift.

"I tell you naught for your comfort,
Yea, naught for your desire,
Save that the sky grows darker yet
And the sea rises higher."

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

There was a time when I would have felt honored to have been offered the torments of the Dark Night of the Soul, back when I read books about the saints and thought I might be able to pull sainthood off, myself.

Now--and, who knows? Maybe this is one of the effects of being right inside the Dark Night--I can't see how being bereft of a sense of communication and caring from The Other Side is helpful. It's just lonely. Finally, I'm no longer special (and when did I figure THAT out? It took years!), just another person watching the time flying by, thinking about how hard it will be to die (will I choke? For how long?). And then: either I will be wonderfully, stupefyingly surprised or--I will be gone.

Sometimes I try to plan ahead for my perfect mind-heaven. In the last few years, I've always been wearing a blue gown covered with sparkling jewels, and I'm standing on a delightful terrace that overlooks a glade and a waterfall. Below (it's dark) are twinkling lights from houses. Someone (I don't care who) is standing next to me, greeting me, telling me that all the houses are lived in by musicians, and that I'm expected at a great music fest that very evening! And that they are all delighted I am here!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

The Dark Night isn't torments- it's just absence and loneliness. The Lives of the Saints are misleading here. They suggest that the spiritual life is all ecstatic visions on the one hand and being mocked by demons on the other. At either extreme it's colourful. Only it's not like that at all- at least most of the time it isn't. The Dark Night of the Soul is hard everyday grind and the feeling that nothing in the least bit spiritual is going on.

I love your mind-heaven.

I'd like to carry on after my death- if only because I'm intensely curious. I want to take a peek behind the scenes at the machinery of existence- and to understand what's going on. Yes, me too- I have a profound desire to understand.

[karenkay.livejournal.com]

The Dark Night isn't torments- it's just absence and loneliness. The Lives of the Saints are misleading here. They suggest that the spiritual life is all ecstatic visions on the one hand and being mocked by demons on the other. At either extreme it's colourful. Only it's not like that at all- at least most of the time it isn't. The Dark Night of the Soul is hard everyday grind and the feeling that nothing in the least bit spiritual is going on.

This made me think of Mother Teresa. I saw her interviewed somewhere, and she said that most of the time she was working in Calcutta that she had no sense of God. In the beginning, she had had, uh, I don't want to misspeak, but I don't remember exactly what she said. I got the impression that she had visions or some other kind of, um, direct contact with God. But at some point early on, that went away, and she had no sense of godliness. I was floored by this. How could you do the work she did without having 'ecstatic visions'? I mean, talk about your 'hard everyday grind'...

But I guess that's why she's a saint and I ain't.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Visions and ecstasies are the lollipops of the spiritual life, not its substance. The saint learns to do without them. I suspect Mother Teresa's experience is fairly typical. But there are no rules.