A Conversation About Babies

[poliphilo]

"Now there are real babies around," says Ailz. "I can see that my pets are simply baby substitutes."

"That's a woman thing," I say. "Women must have something in their brains that makes them respond to small helpless creatures. I know I don't have it."

"The need to have something totally dependent on you," she says.

"For me," I say, "babies are just potential human beings. I value them for what they're going to become. The sooner they're out of the drooling, up-chucking, helpless stage the better."

"I suspect the babies feel that way too," says Ailz.

Comments

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I'm totally going to bring this up in a conversation some day. =)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

:) This really is an area where the male brain differs from the female brain, I think.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

And yet - I have at least two male friends who did and do everything BUT birth the baby - they are the ones who take care of the child, feed, change, etc.

I know. They are exceptions to the 'rule'. And they do have perfectly competent female partners.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

There are always exceptions. And plenty of women who have no feeling at all for babies.

I'm "good" with babies and small children, but I'm not drawn to them. I wouldn't care if I never dandled another one again.

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

I'm one of those women. When I'm out with other women and a baby comes along, they all go nuts wanting to hold it, and I just don't have any urge to do that. I loved my son as a baby with a maternal ferocity, but I was eagerly awaiting the day he could walk and talk and DO things. I have SO much more fun with him now than I ever did when he was a baby. And while sometimes I wish we had another little kid in the house, I have never felt the urge to have another baby.

My husband, on the other hand (and my son, actually), LOVES babies.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

My instinct, when I'm with babies, is to teach them things- nursery rhymes, whatever- anything to get their brain cells working and lift them out of their puddingy helplessness.

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

Really? I don't have a nurturing bone in my body. Never wanted to be a mom, never wanted to hold the baby, or have one of my own. I'm not into tiny, helpless critters, either.

My cats fill the 'house is a home' companion niche.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It seems most of the women on my FL are exceptions to the "rule".

Drat!

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

Or maybe it's just that the exceptions are the ones most likely to respond. ;-)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That is very likely.

[jenny_evergreen]

I completely agree about babies. I love my children and I'm a great mom, but I do NOT enjoy infancy, and cannot WAIT for them to be old enough to converse with.
Pets are definitely child-substitutes.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I was a pretty good dad- I think- and did a lot of childcare through the early years- but I always looked forward to them getting out of the goo-goo phase and becoming interesting.

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

It's funny that you should say this, because I had come to a similar conclusion since acquiring our new cat.

Not that a cat is a small, helpless creature and I don't actually like tiny babies at all, so perhaps a cat fills the toddler/small child niche rather than the helpless baby? :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Cats are a lot like toddlers- and can be equally destructive.

[queen-in-autumn.livejournal.com]

Love it!

However, I'm not convinced it's an absolutely male/female "thing" -- I even found my own baby's helplessness oppressive.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Our own babies are always a little oppressive- and that's because the responsibility they lay us under is so frightening.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

I have never cared much for babies, particularly after having one of my own.

My pets are definitely *not* child substitutes. Having just taken one to be put down on Monday and being more or less over it, I can say that with some confidence. Even *contemplating* the possibility of the death of my son, on the other hand, makes me want to reach for the sedatives.

I just like having other life forms around the house, although after vacuuming two canisters of cat hair out of my home office I think I might be able to make do with the backyard birds when our other pets pass into the Great Beyond.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I like having other life forms around too.

But that's what they are- other life forms- unknowable and alien.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

Some of them are less alien than others. I swear our Mr. Darcy (German Shepherd) thinks more or less like a two-year-old.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Dogs work very hard at being human.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

*chuckle*
I have to say that I do not really miss my daughter's infancy at all.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I've almost forgotten what my children's infancy was like.

[acathartes.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on the baby thing. An intelligent, responsive infant or wee one is cute and interesting, a person in the making; a baby who's just a lump is far less attractive than my cute, intelligent, responsive parrots.

Of course, I think of *them* as my babies, to some extent. They *are* genuinely dependent on me, emotionally as well as physically.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

The rabbits are definitely not my babies. They belong to a very alien species. I'm fond of them- but there's no emotional dependency on either side.

[acathartes.livejournal.com]

Not every pet animal makes the emotional bond with humans. Dogs, cats (I assume), and some kinds of bird do; the more intelligent a bird is, the more likely it is to bond emotionally with its owner and depend on them. I loved my finches, but I have a much greater emotional investment with my cockatiels, who can reciprocate far more.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I guess the creatures that bond best with humans
are the ones that are used to living in herds, packs or flocks.

[sculptruth.livejournal.com]

Oh god, hysterical! While I have an uncontrollable reaction to the Cute and Fuzzy, I agree with you completely that I have no idea of what to do with little humans. I'm afraid to drop them! They drool!

I like them when they're about three and up. I love their potential. I love their limitless worlds when they're between that magical age of 3 and 7.

My boyfriend and I have this conversation all the time. He says "women cute/miniature things what the hell yadda yadda" and then I laugh when he succumbs to it. :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I detest drool.

I'm quite good with small people- and I think that's precisely because I relate to them as people- and not as fuzzy little packets of cute.

[sculptruth.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I teach art to kids every day and I talk to them as I would my peers. Except there's a lot more giggling, nonsequiturs, and random dancing.

I suppose I should say the kind of cute, small, and/or fuzzy I fall for is mostly all the animal kingdom except humans, heh.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I don't really do cute and fuzzy in any species...

[(Anonymous)]

Did you know you're due to become a Great Uncle in about 9 weeks?
Tom F

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

So soon? O my o my o my!

It must be a bit of an anxious time for the two of you

[(Anonymous)]

I suppose a bit anxious yes, but also exciting :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I can vaguely remember what it was like to be an expectant father for the first time. Most everything else faded into insignificance.

[mummm.livejournal.com]

*giggle!!!*

[daisytells.livejournal.com]

Babies (and later older kids) are such high maintenance that it sometimes takes a huge effort to enjoy them. The newborn is not referred to as "the little stranger" for nothing.
Cats, on the other hand, are natural loners who do not really need me for anything other than to fill the food and water dishes and empty the litter box. They are very low maintenance. They also show genuine affection, and bond well usually with a single member of the family, while they either ignore or act in an offhandedly friendly manner to the other people. Unlike dogs, cats NEVER try to be human. They are smart enough to know that they will get fed without doing tricks. They don't make much noise, either.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I've had cats in the past. We once had seven. All at once. The deal breaker for me was the way they killed birds. I like birds. I like birds a whole lot better than cats.