poliphilo | Orders For Life

Orders For Life

I had a grandfather who made a lot of money. I had a father who made a lot of money. But me, I don't have that ability at all. Rather the reverse. It's not that I'm careless with money. Or profligate. No, not at all. I just can't get anywhere with it. I don't understand it. I'm even a little scared of it.

Stephen Pegler- I mentioned him a few posts back- had his bedroom set up as an office- just like daddy's. Ooh, how grown-up! So I copied him. What do you need? A desk? Check. A notepad? Check. A pen? Check. A telephone? We'll have to imagine that. And Bingo, I'm a businessman. And now what? I sit behind my desk and...and... Gosh, this is boring, lets play soldiers instead.

And that's the story of my life.

I also have this thing where I'm useless with numbers. I can't do math. I can't remember dates. Ask me how old my children are and- I'm ashamed to say- I have to work it out on my fingers.

And in the bad old days when I was a professional and had money coming in on a regular basis I never could remember how much. I'd be asked to fill in forms stating my yearly or monthly income and I didn't know. So I'd look it up and write it down- then promptly forget again.

I used to think I could break the spell- like write a bestselling book or something- but I'm getting old and I've seen the pattern so now I just accept it as the way it has to be.

Like it's my fate? Well, not exactly, because I don't believe it's inexorable. If I really wanted to over-ride it I probably could. But there's something that holds me in check. A compulsion, an inner voice. There were times in my life when I might have followed the money trail but at each opportunity I turned aside because it seemed wrong. Not wrong in absolute terms, but wrong for me.

It's like I'd made some sort of antenatal compact. As if someone had spread out my life before me and said, "Here it is. You'll go from A to B and work on these karmic issues you've get hanging around and it'll all be reasonably jolly just so long as you shy away from making money- OK?" And I've looked it over and approved it and signed on the dotted line.

There's a story by Kipling where he talks about Orders for Life- "the sentence which is written on the frontal sutures of every three-year-old child, which is supposed...to foreshadow his or her destiny." The Orders for Life aren't unbreakable but if you break them there'll be consequences- unpleasant consequences- so you really don't want to try. He was joking of course- well sort of- but I think he was onto something.

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Also, you don't have to be good with money. It's there, period.

Yes, it's there. I think that's all part of the deal.

The hand of cards I've been dealt and which I've accepted.

It's not a bad hand. I'm not moaning about it. Or bragging. It is what it is.

What interests me here is how I've got to this late stage of my life and I look back and see a pattern and it's as if there were things I had to do and things I had to avoid doing. Maybe I'm imposing the pattern in hindsight but- heck- it's my vision and I'm sticking with it.

And, I would be willing to BET you don't have the crippling times of depression that some people (me!) have. I almost always enjoy reading your posts, it seems you know a lot about a lot.

Thanks.

Crippling depression? I don't really know. Probably not, because I've never got so low I wasn't able to function. But I've certainly been desperately unhappy for long periods at a stretch.

For whatever reason, some people draw money to them, often more than is either good for them or even humanly imaginable. Some people use their money in good ways which seems to attract even more money to them (Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates), other people become more and more greedy and selfish (Leona Helmsley). Whatever.

Me, I'm a mathematical cretin myself. And although I have in the past had lots of money, it has, through good and bad schemes, trickled away, like water poured on sand. Used to frustrate me, but then not and with the acceptance of the fact that I will NOT be a rich woman in this lifetime has come the very obvious fact that I DO get the amount of money I need (not want) when I need it. Maybe a few extra dollars or pounds, but never too much more than my need.

I think this has been a good thing for me spiritually and morally, I accept what comes and am grateful and I do have enough for a roof over my head, clothes for my body and food on the table and a little left over to help those I love as well. As I said, I have enough for my own good.

Yes, I can identify strongly with what you're saying here.

I seem to have been allowed enough money to get on with the tasks I'm meant to be doing in this life- and not enough to knock me off course. Or something like that.

This is just the post I needed this morning--I can identify completely. So I'm not completely off-base. Haven't been able to find someone to discuss this with in Oregon. Does one go to a psychiatrist, financial advisor, career counselor, pastor or just sit behind the desk at home and look busy for oneself and the dog? Anyhow, thanks!

I'm happy it's hit the spot.

This isn't the sort of thing people discuss much- and I found it a hard post to write (I've been putting it off for a while) mainly because I wasn't sure it wouldn't come out sounding screwy.

My "condition" is the sort of thing people would try to FIX if I went to one of the places I mentioned. So it was great to read that maybe I'm just wired this way and am living out my contract as agreed to. People not caught up in the Western worldview spend a lot more time and energy on relationships, stories and other non-monetary things; I'm learning from them.

And yet the Western worldview is shaped at least in part by the Bible- which goes on and on and on about holy poverty. We've all heard that line about NOT laying up treasures on earth and yet how few of us pay the slightest bit of notice.

It puzzles me. It always has done.

Absolutely. I've written a book manuscript with that theme of holy poverty, reminding us that the small child, bit of yeast, seed is what the kingdom of God chooses to be identified with, not the big and wildly successful things. Three executive editors wanted to publish it last year, yet the marketing teams couldn't see any "greatness" in it--yes, that's the whole point! *strangles self while searching for polite reply* I guess we can't expect to be congratulated for going against the majority mindset. Alternative presses are next.

Maybe you could publish it online- as an eBook or whatever the word is.

It would be funny if a book on holy poverty became a huge moneyspinner- and maybe just the kind of joke that the universe loves.

I guess that would be called "The Bible."

;)

Ha! Exactly.

There's a couplet of William Blake's I'm very fond of- adressed to his enemies.

"Both read the Bible day and night
But thou read'st black where I read white."

PS. i hope you don't mind if I friend you. I just had a look at your blog. Those poems- your own work, right? They're beautiful.

Thank you so much (my poems are signed mds). Of course--become a friend. (I found you by looking at seraphimsigrist's friend page.) Also, if interested, become part of our open community wingfoldchatter for more poetry and visual arts.

Thank you for the invitation. I'll go across and visit the community.

What I particularly like about your poems is their economy. They're simple without being simplistic- and that's a hard thing to pull off.

I appreciate you seeing and saying that. I do like simple.

I went against my orders for life not once, but several times, fighting the inevitable I call it. And yes, there were consequences - serious ones!
Now that I am in my "dotage" I go with the flow and life is so much better, so much simpler.

There's a prayer I like which goes something like this-

"Help me to change the things I need to change, to accept the things I can't change- and teach me to know the difference.

I wonder how much of this 'dyscalculia' you have is real, and how much of it is cultural?

The idea of "Orders for Life" is a peculiarly English thing- you're born to your station or destiny, and you should not change it.

Out here, it's the polar opposite: you might be born dirt-poor, but you can overcome that. Heck, you can even become President if you work hard enough.

Yes, I am aware that economic reality is changing things out here in the US, and that our 'social mobility' is now becoming more fixed than in England, where's it's loosened quite a bit. So, we have problems of the opposite polarity: where English people can break out if they want to, and where Americans are becoming increasingly unable to do so.

That said, there is a large element of outlook and attitude involved in dealing with money. Some of it might be actual dyscalculia- the inability to process numbers. This is a very real problem- the numbers version of dyslexia, the inability to process letters and words. It hasn't been as widely addressed as dyslexia, but it is still a very real thing. (Oddly enough, people with dyslexia have amazing success as businesspeople and entrepeneurs- they're able to delegate tasks that they cannot do well themselves.)

So, it's something that can be addressed- if you wish to do so. For a long time, I thought that I had a problem with math and numbers, but discovered fairly recently that I didn't- and in tracing back, realized that the damage was done during a single semester in Catholic School in second grade. I'd discovered a pattern in how numbers work, and was so eager to share it that I got into trouble and was actually punished for being 'disruptive'. That incident 'crashed' my math skills for a very long time, making me terrified of the whole thing. Only fairly recently have I managed to recover this, using that pattern recognition system, and now suddenly things are turning around for me in an amazing manner.

It's a flow, a Current, a Rhythm, a Pattern. If you're on the beat, in the channel, it'll work for you. If not, you'll struggle fruitlessly against it. It's all in recognizing that flow.

And the Current works in other realms, too. It's a quiet thing that permeates everything we do- much like the fictional "Force" of Star Wars fame. Discovering and riding it is an empowering thing- but not Power Over, but Power Within, because this Current cannot be controlled. It simply is. Attempting to control or direct it smacks you up against that "Orders for Life" thing: doing something that is akin to swimming against the tide. You get nowhere awfully fast.

So, maybe you have dyscalculia. So, what? Are you happy, content? Have you created coping devices to deal with it? And are you willing to look for patterns that will take you around those obstacles that this problem presents? That was what I did, and doing so took me from poverty to solvency.

And check out this article:

Seeing the Gorilla

So there's a word for it. I thought there must be. I'll remember it. Discalculia. I've got discalculia. Sounds good. :)

But do I? Do I really? Well, I always hated math. I never had an initial enthusiasm that got squashed- as you did- I was always just plain useless. And I've got a blindness for numbers. I find dates difficult, birthdays, all that sort of thing. And for the longest time I could never get it straight in my head whether Christmas Day fell on the 24th or the 25th.

But it's never really bothered me. Or seriously discommoded me. I always kept my financial dealings as simple and uncomplicated as I could- and I've come through. And now, by way of compensation or reward, I'm married to a person who's a real whiz at balancing the books.

I hadn't thought of the Orders For Life thing as being peculiarly English, but you could have a point. That attitude of acceptance might well have something to do with having been born into a rigid class system. Mind you, I have always thought it was part of my Orders for Life to do all I possibly could (in my own limited, personal sphere) to undermine that system.

"The rich man in his garden
The poor man at his gate
God made them high or lowly
And ordered their estate...."

You and I sound like closet socialists and should not accept anybody's orders!

The point about Orders for Life is (I think) that they're not imposed on us but arise out of past experience.

But then I believe in reincarnation and karma and all that jazz.

As for worldly Orders and hierarchies- down with them, down into the dust!

Well, I didn't have rich parents (e.g. local comprehensive rather than private schooling!) but I have "attracted money to myself" by working like buggery, first at exams and then at my career, since the age of 14, with no real let up. It is great not to have to worry any more about money, but boy does it cost me, in that my job sucks the life out of me. I don't want to do it for ever.

I am going to come to some sort of mid-life crisis soon where I will have to decide whether to continue running in my litte money-spinning hamster wheel, (maybe even faster, if I decide I am still ambitious) or, alternatively, let go of everything I know how to do, and have a completely different life, but potentially a more fulfilling one. That is scary.

Poliphilo, you, on the other hand, could make money out of what you love to do, and at the same time get your remarkable writings to the audience they deserve. The poetry, especially, ought to be published, if it isn't already! What have Iain Pears, Philip Pullman and Neil Gaiman done, that you could not do?

It's very kind of you to compare me to those famous writer dudes. One thing they have that I don't is ambition. I was never terribly ambitious and now I'm hardly ambitious at all.

We're back with Orders for Life I'm afraid. It's not only money I'm supposed to avoid, it's fame as well.

Maybe I let fame and money corrupt me in a previous life. I don't know. It's a hypothesis.

I dropped out of a secure career at 35. Yes, it was scary. And there were times when it was VERY scary. But I've never regretted it.

When I was a kid I had this dream of living on my own terms in something like perfect freedom (with the woman I loved) in a French chateau. Well, I finally achieved it all- except that the chateau turns out to be a terraced house in Oldham.

"supposed to avoid" - says who?

It depends how much you could use a little extra dosh. If you are happy as you are, it doesn't much matter, but it would be a pity if your poems never got out of the broom cupboard, whether you make money out of them or not. Your outlook is very original - as distinctive as Betjeman (sp?) but IMHO, rather more interesting and less tum tee tum tee tum. It is a voice that should be heard, not least because it rocks the Judaeo-Christian paradigm of this country. We need that.

I'm just worried about people who get a mindset about what they "deserve" in life. In my experience we kind of make our own fates to a large extent (not to say that life can't sometimes bowl us a googly).

You're right to ask that question.

Says who? Hmmm. I don't know, really. It's how I rationalise my life. Maybe it's nonsense. All I can say is it feels true. It fits.

And I'm happy.

No-one makes much money from poetry. Well, one or two people do- but they have to network very hard to draw attention to themselves, the way the present poet laureate does or did- a man of moderate, but very well-husbanded talent. And I really don't care to do that.

Anyway, I've left it too late.

It's true I'd like the poems to have an audience- and in the past I've placed quite a few of them in magazines of one kind or another and now I'm "publishing" them here. But it's a bit like putting messages in a bottle. If they deserve readers I reckon they'll eventually find them and if not, not.

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"Monday and happiness don't really interrelate as far as I see it"

Well, yes, you've only got to read about the lives of our beloved celebs to see that.

Books are my one extravagance- and DVDs. So long as I've got enough money to feed my appetite for literature and cinema I'm not going to feel deprived.

Also my plan- write a best-selling book. That would be awesome.

Alice is having a go at it- did you know?

Yeah she just sent me her introduction. I thought it was very good, told her as much. Guess it runs in the genes.

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Orders For Life

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