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poliphilo I was seven or eight.
My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
"A mirror" I said.
How very grown-up of me.
I never told her why I wanted it. Wild horses wouldn't have dragged it out of me.
I wanted it so I could check my face after I had been crying so I wouldn't present myself in public with any of the tell-tale signs.
I must have been weeping a lot for this to be an issue.
And in the world I grew up in human beings of the masculine gender didn't cry. Check any British war film of the era and see if Jack Hawkins or Michael Redgrave or Little Johnny Mills ever showed any outward sign of emotional fragility.
Not done, old boy.
I don't weep now. Somewhere along the way- with the help of that mirror, I schooled myself out of the ability.
I can often feel the tears behind my eyes, burning, burning- but I never let them out...
My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
"A mirror" I said.
How very grown-up of me.
I never told her why I wanted it. Wild horses wouldn't have dragged it out of me.
I wanted it so I could check my face after I had been crying so I wouldn't present myself in public with any of the tell-tale signs.
I must have been weeping a lot for this to be an issue.
And in the world I grew up in human beings of the masculine gender didn't cry. Check any British war film of the era and see if Jack Hawkins or Michael Redgrave or Little Johnny Mills ever showed any outward sign of emotional fragility.
Not done, old boy.
I don't weep now. Somewhere along the way- with the help of that mirror, I schooled myself out of the ability.
I can often feel the tears behind my eyes, burning, burning- but I never let them out...
no subject
Date: 2023-08-01 11:05 am (UTC)At least now I am 'allowed'...........
no subject
Date: 2023-08-01 12:18 pm (UTC)