Bing-bong

Naomi Osaka withdrew because she was being bullied over her refusal to show up for the meaningless post-match press conferences. Roger Federer withdrew because he no longer has the stamina. A young Italian whose combination of sweatband and top-knot made it look like he was wearing a biretta took two sets off Djokovic then strained his groin and folded...

I've watched an awful lot of tennis down the years and I'm beginning to ask myself what I ever found so enthralling about two people knocking a ball across a net, bing-bong, bing-bong.

Why let myself get pulled into taking sides because one player has an honest face and the other has a sneery one? Why care which multi-millionaire gets to lift the silverware? How is it of interest to any but their nearest and dearest?

And then there are the ads; in particular the one from our sponsor which shows a bearded man listening to the tennis in his car. The commentator gives an ecstatic roar, the man lifts his eyebrow and starts to drive down the ramp of the multi-storey car park. The sky is grey. They show it every ten minutes or so and it's doing my head in...