God (Again)
Jun. 23rd, 2005 09:52 amMost people make religions last a lifetime. I wear them out in a decade. I was a Christian for ten years, then I was a Witch for ten years. Right now I'm nothing in particular.
I think (but I'm not predicting what will happen tomorrow) that I've worn out religion altogether. And I mean every religion, all possible religions. I no longer see the point of getting together with other people to commune with A Mutual Friend who isn't actually there. I'm not saying there isn't a value in this for others, or that I didn't derive benefit from it in the past, but right now, at this particular point in my earthly pilgrimage- no.
For much of my life I was crazy for it. I left Christianity because I was desperate for something sharper and bubblier. But when I eased myself out of Wicca it was because the whole enterprise had gone flat. If I'm still interested in religion (and I am or I wouldn't be writing this) it's as an outsider- almost as an anthropologist.
But I still believe in God. Though "believe" isn't really the right word. It implies that God is there and we're here and there's a gulf between us across which messages may or may not be sent. That's not how I see it. Ask me how I do see it and I find myself lapsing into the kind of mystical twittering that has come to seem stale to me. So I'm not going to try. Any God I can verbalise, even if it's in the woolliest terms- "ineffable, inexpressible, unknowable"- becomes a presumption that stands in the way of the true God taking me by surprise.
I know what She isn't and that's enough.
I think (but I'm not predicting what will happen tomorrow) that I've worn out religion altogether. And I mean every religion, all possible religions. I no longer see the point of getting together with other people to commune with A Mutual Friend who isn't actually there. I'm not saying there isn't a value in this for others, or that I didn't derive benefit from it in the past, but right now, at this particular point in my earthly pilgrimage- no.
For much of my life I was crazy for it. I left Christianity because I was desperate for something sharper and bubblier. But when I eased myself out of Wicca it was because the whole enterprise had gone flat. If I'm still interested in religion (and I am or I wouldn't be writing this) it's as an outsider- almost as an anthropologist.
But I still believe in God. Though "believe" isn't really the right word. It implies that God is there and we're here and there's a gulf between us across which messages may or may not be sent. That's not how I see it. Ask me how I do see it and I find myself lapsing into the kind of mystical twittering that has come to seem stale to me. So I'm not going to try. Any God I can verbalise, even if it's in the woolliest terms- "ineffable, inexpressible, unknowable"- becomes a presumption that stands in the way of the true God taking me by surprise.
I know what She isn't and that's enough.
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Date: 2005-06-23 03:56 am (UTC)Thouhg I think I take a broader view of religion than you do. As I see it religion is a worldview, your own understanding of how things are and how life is to be lived. Nothing to do with deities. I think the dichotomy between religion and the rest of life - one of the more unfortunate results of the enlightenment is unhelpful at my most charitable assesment.
I got into an interesting argument last year with a rampant athiest whenI said science was a religion!
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:27 am (UTC)I don't think a world view is the same thing as a religion- but I guess we're into semantics here.
I agree that Science can be a religion. And so can atheism.
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:14 am (UTC)Nowadays I still would define myself as a practising pagan, but very much a lonely one. I just can't fit into any group ritual or worship any more.. at the best, it leaves me slightly embarassed, at the worst, it makes me laugh. I do perceive the intouchable presence of Divinity, and I do worship It in the ways that have developed in years of search. From time to time I discover new elements which do not really add to the "worship" part, but very much to the evolutionary path. For the last few years this has been Gurdjieff (and Ouspensky) who have very much changed my life, without altering my perception of the Unknowable.
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:36 am (UTC)I find I keep falling back on Zen. Not that I've made any deep study of it, but I find their little stories and koans deeply refreshing.
If pushed, I would admit to being a Pagan- still. My kind of Paganism is void of all content except reverence for Life. It's an attitude rather than a religion.
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:13 am (UTC)It's no accident that the great surrealists- Dali, Bunuel- were all of them catholic.
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 01:48 am (UTC)Spain really is IT for me. I am wondering whether I should just go through with it and move there or something.
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Date: 2005-06-24 01:58 am (UTC)I want to see Madrid and Seville and Granada and.......
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Date: 2005-06-24 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:29 am (UTC)So why did it take me 50 years to find out?
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Date: 2005-06-23 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 11:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:40 pm (UTC)I love the Song of Songs.
And the book of Jonah- which is genuinely funny.
And the stories about King David. What a terrific expose of power politics the Book of Samuel is!
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Date: 2005-06-23 05:55 am (UTC)I found something in Tikkun that has piqued my interest: the "Network of Spiritual Progressives". It's meant for subtle (and not so subtle) spiritual activists who are pushing back against the hard right religious takeover of the US Government. While this isn't a problem in the UK, I expect that some cross-contamination (bad pun, sorry!) might drift across the Pond and infect people there, so it might be something to examine.
I've gotten to the point where I realize that God is a ruse that the Holy Spirit uses to get its job done. "Hey, look! An angel!" it shouts, and everyone looks up and says, "Ooooh!", and the Holy Spirit sneaks in and hits people with a Holy Clue Stick... if they're lucky. I also refer to it as the Current to take that religious crust off it, but it's the same thing- the real motivating force in the universe. Tune in to it, learn to read and ride it, and you won't need a 'religion' any more. I think I understand why the Bible, in one of its very few lucid moments, lists denial of the Holy Spirit as the unforgiveable sin: To deny it also denies you a chance to learn and grow with its assistance.
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Date: 2005-06-23 06:27 am (UTC)Most religion is about keeping a priestly caste in beer and skittles.
"The Current"- that a good way of looking at it.
BTW I enjoyed your rant about the guy who was trying to get his fellow pagans all stirred up.
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Date: 2005-06-23 06:31 am (UTC)Whenever I hear the word "Charismatic", I think of a roomful of dewy-eyed people waving their arms in the air like a field of wheatgrass to the beat of some insipid Christian tune.
Bleargh. No thanks!
Glad you liked my rant. I've been feeling a little 'rantish' of late- it's probably the weather or something.
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Date: 2005-06-23 06:46 am (UTC)I hasten to add this was a long time ago.
Dylan had just come out as a Born Again Christian. I was in an evangelical Christian bookshop and the Dylan was piled high- but it was all Slow Train Coming.
When I realised that Dylan didn't exist for these people except for that one (not very wonderful) record the scales fell from my eyes.
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Date: 2005-06-23 08:18 am (UTC)Bravo! Now if we can just get enough people to realize hit we might reach critical mass...
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Date: 2005-06-23 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 01:35 pm (UTC)I believe that we humans are still at a very early stage in our evolution.
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Date: 2005-06-23 08:14 am (UTC)I wonder if this doesn't explain my own exodus from organized religion. God is out there, but believing in a Deity that is codified, athropomorphized, and personalized will only take you so far. No wonder people give up on believing in the Infinite - as limited, finite beings we can't hope to fully understand or rationalize God. If faith isn't there to fill in the gaps of a religion, if all we hold onto is what the religious rites and teachers provide, then it becomes stale all too quickly.
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Date: 2005-06-23 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 09:30 am (UTC)So I don't think that it's necessarily problematic to reject religious notions outright, since their power is generally predicated on the same life-changing power associated with philosophies or Alcoholics Anonymous. As for Gods you can verbalize, this is the problem Descartes never solves. See, it's entirely possible that our thinking on "infinity" is "this thing plus this other thing and so on" and our thinking of "unkowability" being "whatever that method for infinity equals" or "the stuff I can't think of." Neither of these is a fully formed and independent concept, and hence neither really works to accurately express one.
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Date: 2005-06-23 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 02:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 11:33 am (UTC)He admitted to being a Democrat, and he adroitly avoided the Gay issue. He said, "I don't want people to focus there. I want to talk about Christ."
The interviewer somewhat tackily asked him how it felt to be in the "Twillight of life" (he is 86 and unwell). He smiled and said he was in the "final period of life."
"Are you afraid to die?" she asked him.
"No," he said. "I'm looking forward to it."
Wow.
Looking forward to dying.
We had a local priest who found out he had cancer. He told a reporter that he "couldn't wait to die!" He said he found it very "exciting."
I don't know anything anymore. I know that anything we think up is shorthand--irritatingly so.
I feel Something that cares, and then I wonder if that is a trick of my mind, but I want to believe it so much, and I do--I can't help myself. And I find myself loving that Something, although it's hidden from me.
Just ten years ago, I thought of God as: Male, in the air, looking down, frowning.
Now I have let go of all those concepts. I think I am a pantheist, but I'm not sure. And then I think: so what? It's all conjecture. No one knows. We guess.
We write poetry, and perhaps that is as close as we come to knowing.
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Date: 2005-06-23 12:23 pm (UTC)I've never understood the undue fear some confessed Christians have towards dying. If your faith is truly there, you might not be rushing out to suicide but death should NOT be something you avoid discussing or contemplating. For Graham and that priest to say what they did is testament to the power of their conviction, IMO.
Conceptions of God
For myself, I tend to like the idea of panentheism, although I couldn't really explain the nuts and bolts of it. The Orthodox Christians have the notion of "essence" and "energy" of God. They feel God is transcendent in his "essence" but his "energy" infuses all creation. I like that notion. The material world separate from God, and yet somehow still completely permeated and supported by him.
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Date: 2005-06-23 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 01:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 12:31 pm (UTC)When he came to England in the 60s a group of boys from my school went to one of his rallys with the intention of having a good laugh at his expense. He didn't convert them, but they came back oddly muted.
I don't like his style or his theology, but I'm willing to concede that he may be a good- and even a godly- man.
I don't want to die just yet, but I think I understand how your priest felt. It's the Peter Pan thing- death as "an awfully big adventure."
I really want to find out what lies on the other side of that door.
And I'm convinced there's something.......
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Date: 2005-06-23 12:35 pm (UTC)I fervently hope so.