Feeling Sick And Apprehensive

[poliphilo]

I have taken my black suit out of the closet and laid it on the bed. I don't want to climb into it until the last possible moment.

I bought it for my father's funeral. I hate suits.

I think I shall wear sandals with it. And I'm not wearing a tie. I hate ties worse than suits.

I remember Bran at his mother's funeral. A restless, angular, jerky figure, hanging with his friends, making jokes. (I wish now I could remember what they were.) I think he was wearing a red jacket, but maybe I'm imagining that. A red jacket is what he should have been wearing. He objected to death. He didn't want to have anything to do with it. He refused to give it an inch.

He is being buried (Ruth's choice) in a bright red shroud.

Comments

[sorenr.livejournal.com]

I have a black shirt that I always wear for funerals. The shirt itself has, by mere accident, become part of a mourning-rite; a physical embodiment of grief. I like that. I wouldn't wear a suit for a funeral, though; I never wear one when people are alive, so why should I when they're dead? Surely we should dress appropriately for the person who died, rather than for the institution of funerals.

Enjoy the funeral!

(Some might think that an odd thing to say, but funerals can be so affirming, not only of our own living state, but also of the bond that we had with the deceased. For my great-granny's funeral we went to the hotel where she'd normally have her birthday parties in her later years, and we had a full dinner, with wine, merriment and all, and even a screening of a videotape from her 90th birthday some 14 years earlier. Afterwards a whole group of my cousins and great-cousins hit the town (a very small town, so the 20-30 of us managed to fill most of the local bar...) and got boozy and had a whale of a time. We knew we had lost the person who tied us all together, so we somehow needed to re-inforce the bond somehow. Now, that was a good funeral! -And a bad hangover the next day.)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

This was a goodish funeral. Ruth said it was the best she'd ever been to, and since she was chief mourner it's her opinion that counts.

We came away early- well, earlyish- leaving Keith and Ruth to get blotto with their chums from university.

Yes, funerals are about affirmation. I wouldn't quarrel with that.

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it went well. "The best she'd ever been to": success!

Welcome home. I assume your suit is back in the closet.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Yes, it's back in the closet. Long may it stay there....

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

Long may it stay there!

I lift my glass (Orange tea--we are on our way to Star Wars in three minutes) to you and Ailz for a day well done.

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

Sandals and no tie: perfect for Bran.

Are you going to speak at the funeral? I wondered if you might write a poem about Bran, about his sitting on light poles and wearing red.

My best to you and Ailz today.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I spoke.

I was the spokesperson for the friends and family.

The celebrant said his piece and then handed over to me and I read out a collection of written tributes. I did the same thing at my dad's funeral.

Thanks for your good wishes. I think we did Bran proud.

But I'm awfully glad it's all over.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I love that the Chinese colour of mourning is white.

I had a friend who got in trouble with her parents for wearing a red dress to her grandmother's funeral. My friend told them that red was her grandmother's favorite colour, and that's why she wore it.

Bran will be missed, I'm sure. He sounds like someone I would have liked to know.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Ailz wore a purple shirt and a diamante studded belt.

But I think Bran himself was the only person there in red.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

My sister wore red to my brother's funeral.

I know you hate ties, but wouldn't it be subversively memorial to wear a red one?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes, you're right. That would have been neat.