You Guess Is As Good As Mine

[poliphilo]

The carer arrives a little earlier than usual and my mother keeps her waiting while she pours herself another cup of tea and drinks it. I read this as bloody minded self assertion; Ailz reads it as an inability to deviate from routine.

"Are you happy to have Lauren stand here watching you drink that cup of tea?" I ask, trying not to explode.

""No." Says my mother, "But what else can I do?"

Comments

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

Yes, Ailz is absolutely right. Your mother has reached the point where she can't think beyond her routine. As her son you are too close to her to have much patience. When my mum was alive I lacked understanding and patience with her when she was failing mentally and now wish it had been otherwise.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

You're right. I'm too close. Ailz finds my mother's foibles considerably more endearing than I do.

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

In my own experience and in what I've seen with people around me, adult children are often the least able to adapt to a parent's illness.

Other people are better able to interact with them as fellow human beings, rather than be plagued by the overwhelming sense of loss of role (theirs and yours).

I find care sessions (usually) work better when they are time related rather than task related. Not a universal rule, but more of a guideline.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

"Loss of role"- I can identify with that.

She was the parent and I was the child and now it's something like the other way round. And then, of course, this is the final stage of a relationship of 60 + years which has gone through many phases- not all of them particularly friendly.