It's Spring. Yes, It Is. Don't Argue

[poliphilo]

They used rubbish bricks to build the garden walls at the front of the house.  The frost gets to them and shears off their faces. I've just been out there, sweeping up the latest batch of flaked off debris. Call it Spring Cleaning. Some of the more exposed bricks have crumbled away to the point of no longer being there and it's in my mind to buy cement this summer and effect repairs.

Ailz is at her mother's. Dot told us frankly at the beginning of the winter that we shouldn't be surprised if she didn't get through it, but she has done and I'm proud of her.  She's still very needy, but one expects that. I remember being taught (probably by Relate) that it takes a person a clear 18 months to get out from under a bereavement- and that's assuming they want to.

The sun is shining weakly. It's still very cold outside but I've laid aside my fingerless gloves because I have faith.

Comments

[wyrmwwd.livejournal.com]

It can take YEARS for people to grieve. It takes as long as it takes, and it doesn't matter if someone "wants to" be "out from under it" or not.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Well, yes.

I remember being taught there were distinct stages to grieving. I forget what they all were.

[wyrmwwd.livejournal.com]

The current thinking in Pastoral Care is that they are moving away from the stages (but not completely giving them up). What they say now is that each person grieves in their own way, and that we, as pastoral care providers, need to allow people their own process.

Then there is something called "complicated grieving". This can go on for years and years. I have seen a couple of examples of that. I know a woman in England who had a stillborn baby many years ago. Every year, during a certain month, she grieves it all over again, like it was yesterday. She has since had a living child who is now a teenager, and he is very, very confused about this behavior, which still goes one.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they've lightened up. The old model strikes me as far too prescriptive and mechanistic.

[wyrmwwd.livejournal.com]

Precisely.