Sour Grapes

[poliphilo]

I had my moment of fame. The phone rang, stuff came through the door. Interviewers interviewed, photographers photographed. It was intoxicating and I didn't want it to stop. I felt really, really alive in a feverish, slightly off my head kind of way.

It was to do with the vicar into witch thing. It couldn't be sustained. If I'd really wanted to sustain it I'd have had to take things further. I'd have had to put on a performance, dress up, wear horns on my head and invite the News of the World to come watch me celebrate the black mass on the stomach of a naked virgin.

But I was only interested in trying to tell the truth about my situation. And the truth is hedged round with buts and perhapses. It ain't tabloid enough.

I was watching a show about hauntings with Yuri Geller last night. Yuri was schlepping round Venice in a state of controlled hysteria, pretending to be scared of spooks, making chairs move by exercise of his psycho-kinetic powers and generally trying to convince us that this cheap documentary he'd been hired to front constituted a personal spiritual quest- part Death in Venice, part Don't Look Now. It had me thinking, but I could be doing this...

Cos I'm as talented. Or as untalented. The only thing against me is I'm not as driven. Geller ought to have been a flash in the pan- there's very little to him- but somehow he's managed to parlay his psychic gifts (or simple conjuring skills) into international celebrity. He's made himself into a household name, a brand. It's amazing how far sheer naked hunger for fame can take you.

Once in a while I get wistful and wonder what might have happened if I'd played my cards right. But then I think of Yuri and people like him and wonder what wizened little kernel of self is still rattling around inside the shell.

Comments

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Fame corrupts. Just as power does. The higher you go the worse you become.

One of the things that freaked me out about being a vicar was finding I loved the exercise of power. It was a very limited power, but, my, what fun it was to enter into undercover battles over who should be elected church warden, pull a few strings, call in a few favours and come out victorious!

It was the same thing in Wicca. I was high priest. And even though I taught people to question all authority they rarely brought themselves to question mine. I would tease them and they'd think I was serious. I once strung a guy along about his initiation ritual- hinting at nameless things that were going to be done to him, continuously upping the ante- thinking that sooner or later he'd realise I was pulling his leg- and he never did. Afterwards I felt quite bad about it.

People are very gullible.

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

People are very gullible.

People want to believe, which makes them vulnerable. And lots of people want to be led. And they want to worship, and a charismatic person wearing vestments can be quite seductive and archetypal.

Even in my humble choir robes I feel the weight of the archetype--I become more than I am, I play the role of a liturgical singer. It's partly drama, which I love.

You were being, I guess, worshipped in your archetypal role as priest. I think it happens a lot, doesn't it? People want to believe that priests are special (look at the Pope!)--God has touched them. They want to believe it, and somehow it transmutes, and almost happens.

It's hard to know, that is, where the person channeling God and dealing with the soul ends and where the supernatural begins.

I suspect everyone who is in a shaman's role--therapists, healers, priests--must finally deal with this dark side of power.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

"I suspect everyone who is in a shaman's role--therapists, healers, priests--must finally deal with this dark side of power."

I agree. Wholeheartedly.

My way of dealing with the dark side has been to step away from power. Or at least from the trappings of power.

I want to speak my mind in nakedness. This isn't the church speaking or the gods or anything like that- just me. And if there's power in it, well so be it....

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

Have you heard of Benny Hinn? He's a popular TV evangelist whose speciality is touching people who need healing. They fall back onto the stage, crying and shaking. He barely touches them, just flicks them with his fingers. His ushers stand behind the people on the stage, catch them, and lower them to the floor.

Benny Hinn's face is full of contempt and pride. He smiles a little, pleased, but it's a cold smile.

Here's what he said attacked recently by the press:

"Now I'm pointing my finger with the mighty power of God on me. ...You hear this. There are men and women in Southern California attacking me. I will tell you under the anointing now, you'll reap it in your children. You'll never win. ...And your children will suffer. You're attacking me on the radio every night; you'll pay, and your children will. Hear this from the lips of God's servant. You are in danger. Repent, or God Almighty will move his hand. ..."

---There may well be people healed on Benny Hinn's stage, but they are the miracle, not him. He's forgotten he's just a man wearing a white suit, and how he loves the power he has over these people who think he is a god. And he apparently thinks so, too.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I haven't heard of Benny Hinn. But I've seen other TV evangelists. They all seem pretty scary to me.

The TV hypnotist and stage magician Derren Brown did a show where he went undercover and duplicated the work of various spiritual professionals. He did a stint as a medium and another as an evangelist, making people fall over backwards with the power of the Lord. The people he worked with were convinced he was the real deal. Some of them hung onto that belief even after it had been explained to them it was all mind tricks and sleight of hand.

[queen-in-autumn.livejournal.com]

I want to speak my mind in nakedness. This isn't the church speaking or the gods or anything like that- just me. And if there's power in it, well so be it....

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It has taken me something like 50 years to get to the place where I don't have to put on some sort of robe before I speak my mind :)

[craftyailz.livejournal.com]

He was/is worshiped by his initiates - and at least some of his female conregation. For the coven he became God and I became mum (I think I got the best role lol)

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

Mothers have great power.