Vocation

[poliphilo]

An early memory: It's a sunny afternoon and we're out in the garden. I'm suddenly overcome by the glory of it all. I rush indoors and bounce up and down on my bed for ten minutes telling God how wonderful he is.

Religion was taken for granted in my family. My mother bought me religious books off a door-to-door sales-woman. Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories featured kiddies who pleased God. A bullied child is told by its daddy that it must disarm the bullies by "burning them up with the love of Jesus." Child comes home. "What did you do in school today, darling?" "I burned up Bertie Briggs."
Initial alarm is followed by rejoicing. These stories bit deep.

As did the pamphlets from the Jehovah's Witnesses with their line drawings of Paradise and the Last Judgement.

I grew up knowing that I wanted to lead a "good" life.

Also that I needed to understand my life. Those Jehovah's Witness pamphlets not only scared me rigid, they "explained" Gods's hidden purposes for the world.

My calling to the ministry wasn't dramatic. I was 19-20 and holidaying on the Island of Jersey. I went to church. I don't know quite what happened- all I remember is that a girl in a pew in front of me kept turning round to stare- but by the time I left the building I knew I wanted to be a priest.

Had to be a priest. It was the only possible course.

Fifteen years later I slid out of Christianity. There were all sorts of reasons, among them a need to explore further.

I spent five years looking around. My Pagan vocation was a undramatic as my Christian vocation. I went into a bookshop, picked up a book on Goddess worship and came away knowing I'd found my new path.

I was a Christian priest for ten years and a Wiccan priest for another ten. I used to stress the disjuncture but really it's all one continuous story. Once a priest, always a priest.

And now.......

Comments

[cybersofa.livejournal.com]

.......... still a priest, with a new outlet for your sermons.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Peut-etre....

[dakegra.livejournal.com]

you want to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree, your best gal by your side?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Naah...I don't have the energy any more. Arthritis, you see....

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

But you are...a writer! Your words reach many, you've published a bit. I think you'd be a wonderful therapist, as well.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

LJ is certainly what I'm pouring my energies into at the moment.

[archyena.livejournal.com]

....you think of your life as vintage wine from fine older kegs?

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I don't know about "vintage".

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

While waiting in the narthex for the processional, I heard our priest talking with an usher. The usher was saying the church looked empty. Our priest agreed: "It's as empty as a one-car funeral," he said. "I'm counting down to retirement." Then he laughed.

He burned out a long time ago. He's into "stewardship campaigns."

What happens to turn a vocation into a job?

It's brave to leave when it's time. Leaving meant you could continue a creative relationship with the Mystery that intrigued you and made you jump on your bed with joy--I love that image.

Who knows where your love will take you now? Wherever you go, your influence will go to, because you chose to keep your relationship alive.

I'm glad often that I stumbled across your path, because you've already brought me real joy--you listen and think with me.

I, too, am in love with the Mystery that made us, and that's my own vocation.

I trust in the process, moment to moment.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I met a priest like that at a conference once- only he wasn't laughing about it, he was full of sorrow. He'd stopped believing in the work long before and was counting down the days to when he could pack it in and retire to a little place by the seaside.

A great part of his sorrow was that he had no-one to talk with. He was unmarried (probably gay, but too timorous to do much about it)

How can one not love- or at least be fascinated by- the Mystery? The moment the expression of that love becomes a chore one should move on.

But how does a priest move on when he's not trained for anything else? Who will employ him?

I was lucky. I had a bit of money in the bank and parents I knew I could fall back on if the worst came to the worst.

Like you, I trust the process. Whenever I feel I've reached the end of the road I find another one branching of it.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I've always envied people like you. You seem to know there is a direction, and which way to head to find it. How DO you do it?
You said you were 'called', in both cases, so you obviously recognized the voice...

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It wasn't anything spectacular. I didn't hear any voices. I just sort of KNEW.

I'm not sure I've always taken the RIGHT path. Some of the ones I've been down have been detours. But I guess they were all of them interesting. They may not have advanced me in any way but I came back off them knowing something I didn't know before.

"Interesting" is a key word for me. I want to be able to look back on my life when I reach the end and be able to say, "well that was interesting."

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

And, indeed. You are interesting, what I've read, what you've said.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thank you

[morrison-maiden.livejournal.com]

...You're a literary priest, and your inner sermons are spoken across the pages :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[queen-in-autumn.livejournal.com]

I resonate with so much of what you've written here, both in the main entry and the comments -- especially this: How can one not love- or at least be fascinated by- the Mystery?

Thank you for expressing it all so well.