Another Reason Why My Mother In Law Isn't My Favourite Person

[poliphilo]

They came round yesterday. They do. Every thursday afternoon. It's a fixture. This past year I've been trying to be nice to them, really I have.

My father-in-law is an OK bloke. He's not well but he's good humoured about it- and a whole lot less racist than he used to be. In fact, hardly racist at all. 

But my mother-in-law....

They were talking yesterday about how long a pair of family friends had been married and Ailz said, "Well they were married a year or two before I was- and if I'd stayed with Terence we'd have been married 30 years."

And my mother in law said, "Why ever did you leave him?"

She said this in our house. 

In my house.

(She has a tenderness for Terence. Terence had a tenderness for her. They're still in touch. My mother in law could always control Terence. She likes controlling people. )

I wasn't there when she said it. Pity really. I'd have enjoyed showing her the door. 

Comments

[fickleasever.livejournal.com]

Lack of empathy, probably. I have family members who are like that...

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

She never wanted a daughter and has always made very sure that Ailz is aware of this.

[fickleasever.livejournal.com]

:(
Sorry to hear that.

[baritonejeff.livejournal.com]

She sounds like a real bitch.

I BET you would have enjoyed booting her cruel ass out the door. I feel badly for Ailz. And for you. Charles' mother is no prize, as I've talked about before, but at least she has the sense to be civil.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I did tell her to leave once. Several years ago. She made the mistake of running Ailz down in front of me.

[sassy-red-head.livejournal.com]

Seems to me that if she really wanted to know, she would have asked at the time and that now she's trying to make some kind of evil point.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, she's making an evil point. She's spent her life trying to make Ailz feel small, stupid and unwanted.

Only it doesn't work any more.

[mummm.livejournal.com]

I see that the crazy In Laws are not just in my family...

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I always thought the traditional mother in law jokes were a bit far fetched until I met Dot.

[mummm.livejournal.com]

My MIL alternated between kindly, nasty, and goofy.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Mine is highly strung, bigotted and astoundingly insensitive.

[bodhibird.livejournal.com]

Once again I realize that I have been extraordinarily lucky in my lot of in-laws. (And frankly, gnomic_noodler has been extraordinarily lucky that *my* mother was long dead when we married.) Have fun throwing the old bat out next time!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I did throw her out once- after she'd bad-mouthed Ailz to me. Since then she's been careful what she says when I'm within earshot.

[mokie]

You've got to wait till next Thursday? Bummer. :)

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

It's my once a week treat.....

[arielstarshadow.livejournal.com]

If it were me, I'd simply tell her she's no longer welcome in the house, full stop. I'm all for maintaining family connections, but not if they are unhealthy, and it sounds as if she's just a mean hag all around.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

The trouble is she comes as half of a couple and Ailz's father is OK....

[oakmouse]

Good heavens, what a piece of work. I'm glad her nastiness doesn't work on Ailz anymore. My own MIL (the biological one, not the stepmother, who is a peach) is pretty much of the same make, and I'm intensely grateful she's no longer a part of our lives. My DH outgrew the ability to be hurt by her fairly early, but it's still better for him not to have her around, sniping and scratching.

Maybe you should try letting her know that you hear about her nasty comments whether you're within earshot or not, and that she'd better not try it again in your house. Since you've given her the bum's rush once already, that might keep her in check a bit.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Ailz says she just ignores the comments now. Water off a duck's back. And maybe that's the best way of handling things.

Ailz's dad is old and frail and may not have much longer to live. We're agreed that it would be nice if we could get to the end of the line without a major upset.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

The only question I have is why she bothers to visit if she never wanted a daughter. How crude to make a remark like that.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

She needs Ailz- even if only to kick around. She's 77. There's a lot wrong with her. She's dependent AND resentful.

[craftyailz.livejournal.com]

She needs me so that she can compare me to my perfect brother - whom she never sees because he can't stand her. I also take her to sit and get fit with me on a Monday and then stay for lunch.

I used to be very clumsy and awkward, which was at least in part because she always told me I was. Since I met Poliphilo I'm a different person, much more confident. She's always told me that I'm the lowest of the low.

Just before we married she asked my Poliphilo was marrying me - her words were 'he's such a nice person, he could marry anyone, so why is he marrying you?' It took me a long time to get over that. Terrance's relationship that I set up for him when I left has fallen apart and he needs help, Mother wants to help him - and finds it odd that I don't or wish to talk about him. I don't wish him any harm but...

[craftyailz.livejournal.com]

Sorry should be why Polipilo was marrying me no my

[kaysho.livejournal.com]

Mothers-in-law are really such a crapshoot ... mine likes having all her children under her thumb and resents me for taking Kay away from her to California (she's in New Jersey), but she's at least civil enough not to mention such things directly in front of me.

But then when Kay visits and I'm not there she tries to set him up on dates with local friends as though we weren't already hitched ... which I'll grant is so pathetic that we both laugh at it.