One Tries, One Tries So Hard

It's raining.

But only a few minutes ago the rain was at a distance, the rising sun was shining through letter-box cloud and the suburbs beneath the Downs to the east of us had a faint, grainy, golden, light falling over them- with a rainbow arching above and gulls- white birds- flying across. I was thinking of grabbing up my camera- but I know I have never taken a rainbow picture that didn't disappoint.

I have frequent dreams in which I'm trying to photograph beautiful things and not succeeding. Usually there's something wrong with the camera- it'll be out of film or the shutter won't work- and sometimes I simply don't have it with me. A night or two back I dropped it and it broke into pieces and I woke before I was able to reassemble it.