A Couple Of Dreams

1. The house was haunted. Items of furniture were floating around.

2. I had been chosen to cut someone's head off. With a dress sword. I was told the band would be playing "A Bicycle Made For Two". "But that's what my mother sang to me in the womb," I said. 

Still Sharp

Enter Jo, chatting, chatting, chatting; she really is the most annoying person. Also, as usual, she's late.

Jo: (to my mother) Shirley, are you ready for your wash?

My Mother: (as close to exploding as she ever is) I've been sitting here for hours. What a silly question!