The Queen At 80

I want an English republic. (I didn't say "I'm a Republican" for fear of misunderstanding.)

The Guardian has at least two big essays this morning on how us English Republicans must seize the moment and start preparing for an English Republic now the Queen has turned 80.

But I'm afraid we've missed our chance. We should have struck in the 90s. The monarchy had reached an all-time low. Diana Spencer (alive and dead) was our standard bearer.

And now the Queen is entering the autumn of her reign. Like Victoria before her, she's become the Grandmother of the Nation.

Inertia takes over. Establishing an English Republic would mean reworking the Constitution from top to bottom. I can't see any Prime Minister having the heart for it.

Especially since removing the monarch means an end to the Royal prerogative, which gives the Prime Minister of the day quasi-regal powers, including the right to declare war without putting it to a parliamentary vote.

So we're almost certainly stuck with the Windsors for the forseeable future.

The Queen could last another 20 years, which means that Charles, if he lives that long, will be over 70 when he succeeds and Grandfather of the Nation from day one.

The only thing that could turn everything around is a big royal scandal. And I wouldn't put it past Charles or either of his two boys to supply us with one.

On Ne Peux Pas Depasser L'Horreur De la Bourgeoisie

French provincial towns are the stuffiest, most stultifying provincial towns in the world.

Or so one would gather from a crash course in French literature and cinema.

The one word- bourgeois- says it all. We don't have an English equivalent.

I just watched Chabrol's Les Noces Rouges. God, but these people are dim; they commit two unnecessary murders because they can't imagine moving out of the ugly little town that accords them status.

We English have a different attitude. Cranford, Middlemarch, Barchester are well-loved places; quite lively really; no-one is stifled by them the way Emma Bovary is stifled.

I put it down to France being such a big country. English towns are all squashed up close together; escape is easier. French towns are cut off from one another by miles and miles of prairie.

Physical isolation breeds cultural isolation.

No English town is as deaf and blind to London as any French town is deaf and blind to Paris.