Duty

A Pakistani visitor congratulated me yesterday on having fathered three children. You have "done your duty by your nation," he said.

I laughed good-humouredly.

Being around Pakistanis is like being around a bunch of Victorian aunts and uncles. I tread carefully for fear of causing outrage.

Sorry, I'm A Stanger Here Myself

When I was a kid I used to wonder what it was like to go into a pub and order a drink. And I used to worry that, when my time came, I'd do it wrong and be found out

I've always felt like I was bluffing my way through life. Like I'd missed out on some absolutely vital briefing session.

Keep your head down, imitate the natives, don't do anything to give yourself away.