Shaking Hands

[poliphilo]

A political candidate came canvasing last night. He stood on the doorstep smiling nervously and shook my hand three or four separate times in the course of a minute. His grip was very loose and limp.

I was discussing this with Judy. She shook hands with President Bill Clinton once and was surprised how hot and damp and flabby he was. She admires Clinton and thinks his hand may have been hurting from over-use but I'm not convinced.

None of us knows what its like to be on the receiving end of our handshake- which makes it very hard for us to control the message it sends.  Is a handshake a reliable indication of a person's character?  I have to say- fair or unfair- I take it as such. 

Comments

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm....

I have a very gentle handshake and tend to use both hands- that's an artefact of being left handed, I suspect.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I think a double-handed shake signifies warmth.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

I kiss on both cheeks too but that's the influence of continental living! It still surprises some Brits. :o)

[chochiyo-sama.livejournal.com]

I always end up with two hands too--I shake with the right but then put my left over the top of both hands and give a little squeeze and hold like that for a few seconds. It's like a tiny hug. Unless I don't get a good vibe from the person. Then they get just their fingers squeezed. I don't go palm to palm. If I am meeting someone for the first time (and I get a good vibe from them), I look into their eyes and ask a question during that "hold time." It helps me to remember their name because we are connected at hand and eye and it seems to give emphasis to their name and personality in my mind.

[steepholm.livejournal.com]

My mother used to teach at a school named after Lord Mountbatten, and he'd come to the - speech day, whatever it was called, every year. She said his handshake was like having a wet fish slither through your fingers.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Nasty piece of work, Mountbatten.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

We don't know - but we can find out - oh those endless rehearsals -
"Firmer!" "Gentler!" "Keep your gloves on, please!"

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I suppose a good handshake can be learned.

I was never taught that I can remember.

[steepholm.livejournal.com]

I remember being told that the main thing is to make eye contact at the same time.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

Really? We were taught the opposite - that the contact and tone of voice matters much more - especially after the tenth shake - that no-one can keep up a consistent eye contact or facial expression-

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

On reflection, perhaps the advice depends whether you're the presented or the presentee -

[steepholm.livejournal.com]

Tenth shake? Five is the absolute maximum, surely. I would feel very uncomfortable with a handshake that lasted more than four seconds or so. On the other hand, I can't remember who told me that thing about eyes - I don't think it was my parents.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

I meant tenth person!

[steepholm.livejournal.com]

Ah, that makes sense! I suppose I'm just never in a situation where I have to shake more than one or two people's hands at a time.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'll go with that. I met Ailz's first husband recently. We shook hands but he wouldn't look me in the eye. It felt very odd.

[artkouros.livejournal.com]

I read a book on the secret service and one of the points made was how much damage is done to the president's hands from shaking thousands and thousand of hands - especially of the macho types who try to impress with a vice grip.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

That's one reason- I suppose- why the Queen of England wears gloves.

[artkouros.livejournal.com]

I doubt anyone would squeeze her hand too hard.

[chochiyo-sama.livejournal.com]

I hate it when people think they have to crush your hand to shake it. To me, it is an attempt to exert dominance and intimidate. My father used to shake hands that way, and before he released my hand he'd roll my knuckles a few times which was very painful.

My handshake isn't weak or limp but it is gentle.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I think Judy is probably right - when you shake the amount of hands a President or Ex-President does, and you take into account the people who are going to try to be more macho, then it stands to reason....

I will say, Bill Clinton has the most BEAUTIFUL and expressive hands. When I first saw him in person it was his hands that really drew my attention.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Clinton has the gift- I understand Tony Blair has it too- of making the person he's talking too feel like they're the most important person in his life.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I remember watching him the FIRST time he ran for President. He knows exactly what he's doing - I remember watching him wade into a crowd of people and start shaking hands while the other guys were still trying to find seats on the stage.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

My father worked for a German firm, in which an unfirm handshake was considered a sign of lack of moral fiber. I have a serious handshake that startles the hell out of the wet fish brigade.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I'm with the Germans on this one.

[artkouros.livejournal.com]

My BIL is strong, conservative, Texas stock - and his hand shake always hurts me. I've always thought the idea to be silly.

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

I have a very firm handshake. It helps to offset my stupidly tiny hands.

[w. lotus (from livejournal.com)]

I take it that way, too...fair or unfair. I work on having a firm, yet warm handshake.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

A weak handshake creates the wrong impression- even if it's misleading.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Apparently Edward VIII- as Prince of Wales- switched over to his left hand when the right one wore out.

[jfs.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, a female friend who lives in New Zealand has just posted on Facebook about a new Iranian Muslim man who's just joined her team. On being introduced to her, he refused to shake hands because she was a woman.

I'm intrigued to find out what happens the first time she has to tell him what to do.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

Taking orders from a woman might be less of a cultural shock to him than touching one. I suspect it's physical contact that's the taboo.

Ah well, he'll adjust.