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May. 25th, 2009

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I love routine in every day life- eating the same breakfast off the same plate every day-  but not at all in the spiritual life. In the spiritual life- the life of the mind- I'm hungry for the unfamiliar. There's a universe out there and I want to cruise it all.  I rarely re-read a book- or watch a movie twice- and I've been finding it a terrible bore having to soldier through the same unvarying liturgy week after week.

This isn't the only reason I'm leaving the church (again) but it counts. If I enjoyed saying and singing the words I might be able to cope with not believing in them- but I don't .  This isn't about aesthetics.  We could be singing the finest words to the finest music and I'd still be chafing.  After a time- and with me its a very short time- even Cranmer palls.

I thought, since I was getting old, that I was ready to nest inside a religious tradition. I was wrong. I don't want that kind of spiritual domesticity.  I'm tired, but I'm not that tired. "Old men should be explorers". Tell me something new

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