And so ends Friday with my silly officemate back from her visit with her parents and even though she's better to work with than the last few, I do get angry with her probably because she's young and silly and she has a boyfriend she thinks we don't know he is a law student and that he comes in here but she exchanges no more than a few words with her then and he told her before she left to visit her parents in Florida and he told her just before she got on the plane last week that she was getting fat I would never take that from anyone, never mind someone who is supposed to care about me of course I don't have anyone who cares about me at night I lied in bed and try not to let myself think because I know I'm alone and it will not get any better only worse as my parents get older and are no longer in the house five blocks up the street so I smother my tears and thy to hurry off to sleep but my dreams are haunted by the way I feel I wander aimlessly and alone through field of flowers and the birds shout that I am all by myself and they don't even want to fly close to me like the butterfly at the conservation house in Niagara Falls that lingered for a moment then lit on Susie's jacket I was happy for her but jealous because I think I have better shoulders and I am a more understanding person but the butterfly didn't think so and that made me sad that even the butterflies thought I should be alone